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Cynic Online Magazine
Publication Archive

Welcome to the Cynic Online Magazine's Publication Archive. Here you will find a listing of all of the works published on our website since January 2004. Most work is available by simply clicking on the title. We are still checking some of our records to veryify our rights to archive a few pieces and are trying to obtain archival rights to others, so it's quite possible that a piece that is not available for viewing may become available in the future. If you are an author of one of these unavailable pieces and would like to give us your permission to show your work once more, please write us at editors@cynicmag.com

Instructions
Click on an Author's Name or Issue Date to Narrow the Listing. Click on a column heading to sort items by that column. Click on the title of a work to view the archive of that work.

The FarceHaven Tribune
Item Author Issue
Archeologists Unearth The 10 Commandments in The Sinai Desert!

A Yid in Dixieland
--Contributing Author

October 2011

Arizona Idiot Caught on Camera Stuffing "Baby Boa" Snakes into His Pants

Don Myers
--Contributing Author

October 2011

Author Releases New Book on Having Sex and How to Do It Right

Christopher Pilny
--Contributing Author

October 2011

Boba Fett Still Trying to Change Name After All These Years

Christopher Pilny
--Contributing Author

October 2011

Butch Cassidy was Kidnapped by Aliens

Philbert of Macadamia
--Contributing Author

October 2011

Detroit Lions Fans Lining Up At Ticket Counters To Buy Super Bowl Tickets

Don Myers
--Contributing Author

October 2011

Marines Serving in Afghanistan Ordered To Cease "Farting" Near Afghans

Don Myers
--Contributing Author

October 2011

Obama to Release Evidence Showing Bush/Cheney Engineered Hurricanes

Don Myers
--Contributing Author

October 2011

Sarah Palin to Announce Plans to Announce Plans to Announce Plans Soon!

Don Myers
--Contributing Author

October 2011

"Please Don't Squeeze the Charmin" Creator Dies: Mass Squeezing Feared

Don Myers
--Contributing Author

September 2011

Apple Unveils iPed

Matt Lettieri
--Contributing Author

September 2011

Chinese Threaten to Foreclose On/Repossess America After Seeing Debt Deal

Don Myers
--Contributing Author

September 2011

Coach's Corner Bar in Green Bay to Offer "Grief" Counseling After Losses

Don Myers
--Contributing Author

September 2011

Democrat Louis Magazzu Joins "Bare Me Naked" Politician Online Club

Don Myers
--Contributing Author

September 2011

EPA To Regulate Zoos

Philbert of Macadamia
--Contributing Author

September 2011

George Washington's "Powdered Wig" sold at Flea Market in MI for $6.00

Don Myers
--Contributing Author

September 2011

Help Wanted

Thomas Sullivan
--Contributing Author

September 2011

Old Thomas Paine letters Hint Affair with Lady Gaga's Great Great Great Grandma

Don Myers
--Contributing Author

September 2011

Visit by Leprechauns Results in McNaughton Pub Offering 1oz. Burgers!

Don Myers
--Contributing Author

September 2011

Bin Laden Making Porn Flick When Seals Struck

Tom O'Donnell
--Contributing Author

August 2011

Corgis To Go On Strike Following Cutbacks!

Paul Tims
--Contributing Author

August 2011

Depressed Writer Jumps Out of Basement Window in Failed Suicide Attempt

Don Myers
--Contributing Author

August 2011

Governor Corbett Gives Advice from the Heart

Tom O'Donnell
--Contributing Author

August 2011

Missouri Policeman Mortally Wounds Dangerous Concrete Fake Alligator

Don Myers
--Contributing Author

August 2011

Muammar Gaddafi Jr's band to perform at 2013 Hodag Country Fest??

Don Myers
--Contributing Author

August 2011

Muammar Gaddafi Volunteers to Take Over Bin Laden's Spot at Al-Qaeda

Don Myers
--Contributing Author

August 2011

Oscar Mayer to Introduce the New Senator Anthony Weiner . . .  Weiner

Don Myers
--Contributing Author

August 2011

Philip Morris USA Inc. to Ban Smoking Everywhere for its 5,752 Employees

Don Myers
--Contributing Author

August 2011

President Obama Orders "No Fly Zone" Over Reagan National Airport

Don Myers
--Contributing Author

August 2011

President Obama Says "There are no hostilities taking place in Libya!"

Don Myers
--Contributing Author

August 2011

Rev. Jesse Jackson Considering Retirement From "Politics & Protesting"

Don Myers
--Contributing Author

August 2011

Small Oklahoma Town Overwhelmingly Votes to Return to 1961 . . .  981 to 4

Don Myers
--Contributing Author

August 2011

Somalia Offers 500 Billion Dollar Aid Package to Help Reduce U.S. Debt.

Don Myers
--Contributing Author

August 2011

State of Maryland Declares Bankruptcy

Philbert of Macadamia
--Contributing Author

August 2011

Tea Party Budget Cuts Include Repealing Gravity

Mark Garrison
--Contributing Author

August 2011

CBS Cites Boring Hosts in Decision to Change "60 Minutes" to "15 Minutes"

Don Meyers
--Contributing Author

June 2011

David Letterman Demands Rival Jay Leno Present His Birth Certificate

Don Meyers
--Contributing Author

June 2011

Federal Agency Blames Windmills for Global Warming

Philbert of Macadamia
--Contributing Author

June 2011

Historical and Literary S & M For the Whole Family!

Justin Teerlinck
--Contributing Author

June 2011

Illinois Raises State Income Tax by 66% Refugees Flee to Indiana and Wisc.

Don Meyers
--Contributing Author

June 2011

MGM to Film "Classic Gangster" Type Movie at "Little Bohemia Lodge"

Don Meyers
--Contributing Author

June 2011

Denial Just Ain't a River in Egypt

Joanne Schiffbauer
--Contributing Author

March 2011

Porn Star Gone Missing After Falling Into Plot Hole

Michael Jenkins
--Contributing Author

March 2011

That's How They Roll!

Joanne Schiffbauer
--Contributing Author

March 2011

Wright Brothers Letters Found at the National Archives

Philbert of Macadamia
--Contributing Author

March 2011

Hoarding, Hollywood Style

Joanne Schiffbauer
--Contributing Author

November 2010

Iota Mania

Hanaa Elzahabe Elsayed
--Contributing Author

November 2010

Shakespeare to Appear on Masterchef

Paul Tims
--Contributing Author

November 2010

The New Interest Rate

Hanaa Elzahabe Elsayed
--Contributing Author

November 2010

Walking With Cavemen?

Joanne Schiffbauer
--Contributing Author

November 2010

Bill Introduces the New Visa Bill before Parliament

Hanaa Elzahabe Elsayed
--Contributing Author

October 2010

One More Time Tour

Joanne Schiffbauer
--Contributing Author

October 2010

Prime Minister Surprised by Deputy Clegg's Lack of Interest!

Paul Tims
--Contributing Author

October 2010

Toddler Tethered to Hydrant Outside Petsmart

Michael Jenkins
--Contributing Author

October 2010

Glenn Beck Secretly Happy That Prop 8 Was Overturned

Anonymous
--Contributing Author

September 2010

How World Leaders Deal with Offshore Drilling Oil Spills

Philbert of Macadamia
--Contributing Author

September 2010

Merck & Co. Release New Flintstone-Shaped Vicodin

Michael Jenkins
--Contributing Author

September 2010

President Obama to Reduce Size of Federal Government

Philbert of Macadamia
--Contributing Author

September 2010

Biden Telling Everyone Glenn Beck Masturbatory Blindness Joke

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

August 2010

Bogusshire News from BBV (Bonkers Broadcasting Venture)

Hanaa Elzahabe Elsayed
--Contributing Author

August 2010

Man Vents Anger at BP by Selling Harry Potter Novels

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

August 2010

President Obama to Reduce Size of Federal Government

Philbert of Macadamia
--Contributing Author

August 2010

Botched Response To Gulf Oil Spill Makes Man Wish Bush Were Still In Office

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

July 2010

Pizza Delivery Driver Can't Believe Stupidity Of Baron Von Running Bear

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

July 2010

The Crime of the Century : The Assassination of Google in China

Hanaa Elzahabe Elsayed
--Contributing Author

July 2010

I Do!

Joanne Schiffbauer
--Contributing Author

June 2010

Local Creep Willing To Help Anytime If You Know What He Means

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

June 2010

Mean Girls...Part Deaux!

Joanne Schiffbauer
--Contributing Author

June 2010

PEDA Expands Their Meat Product Lines

Philbert of Macadamia
--Contributing Author

June 2010

Scared Straight: Liberal Arts Majors Wins Palme d'Or

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

June 2010

Teen Who's Stepdad Owns A Hummer: Congress Must Increase Gas Tax

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

June 2010

A Match Made In Heaven

Joanne Schiffbauer
--Contributing Author

May 2010

Birkenstock Earth Mother Of The Year

Joanne Schiffbauer
--Contributing Author

May 2010

E Coli

Sean Michael Lee
--Contributing Author

May 2010

Guns to be Replaced by Flower Shooting Slingshots

Mark Garrison
--Contributing Author

May 2010

Man Compares Everything to Bacon

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

May 2010

Woman Finally Understands Tea Bag Jokes

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

May 2010

Family Feuds: The Best New Show in Town

Raul Gallardo
--Contributing Author

April 2010

Geico To Begin Selling Health Insurance

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

April 2010

Heidi's Back!

Joanne Schiffbauer
--Contributing Author

April 2010

Justice Thomas AWOL for State of Union

Don Monkerud
--Contributing Author

April 2010

Pathetic Malcontent Feels Sorry For Everyone

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

April 2010

She's Back!

Joanne Schiffbauer
--Contributing Author

April 2010

Sinners Rejoice-You Can Once More Buy An Indulgence!

Tom O'Donnell
--Contributing Author

April 2010

The Latest Proposal Against Tobacco In The U.S

Raul Gallardo
--Contributing Author

April 2010

Bacon Banned in the USA, Chicago Gangsters Reemerge

Philbert of Macadamia
--Contributing Author

March 2010

CIA Defends "Finger Removal" As Next Step in Enhanced Interrogation

Saul S Smith
--Contributing Author

March 2010

Fourth Spanish Teacher Immolates Self To Raise Awareness of Irregular Verbs

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

March 2010

Mariachi Band: The Next Development from Rockband

Raul Gallardo
--Contributing Author

March 2010

Michael Phelps Wins Inaugural Snow Swimming Event

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

March 2010

Roman Catholic Church Announces Extra Crispy & Flavored Communion Wafers

Tom O'Donnell
--Contributing Author

March 2010

Australian Biologists Find Dingo Urine Kills Kangaroos

Saul S Smith
--Contributing Author

February 2010

Housewife Wishes She Could Pee Standing Up

David Tulis
--Contributing Author

February 2010

Oslo to Award Coveted Peace Prize to Bin Ladin

Saul S Smith
--Contributing Author

February 2010

Robertson On Recent Dementia Diagnosis: My Brain Made A Pact With The Devil

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

February 2010

Sen. Collins Still Sore from State of the Union

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

February 2010

Taylor Swift Cancels Concert Tour Due to Existentialist Anxiety

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

February 2010

An American Political Ghost Story

Philbert of Macadamia
--Contributing Author

November 2009

British Court Orders Stephen Hawking's Plug Pulled

Saul S Smith
--Contributing Author

November 2009

Couple Forces Selves to Fight Over Toilet Seat

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

November 2009

Culling of Homeless Population in Miami to Begin Week Before Christmas

Saul S Smith
--Contributing Author

November 2009

David Letterman Blames Affairs, General Creepiness On Cheney

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

November 2009

Morehead Snead Captures Cup

Henry F Mazel
--Contributing Author

November 2009

Nobel Committee Awards Literature Prize to College Junior

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

November 2009

Sarah Ogden Root to Be Bride

Henry F Mazel
--Contributing Author

November 2009

Addition of Shrimp to Taco Bell Menu Best Thing to Happen to Man This Year

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

October 2009

Barack Backs Beans

Phillip Donnelly
--Contributing Author

October 2009

Muffy Elizabeth Lodge to Wed Hebrew

Henry F Mazel
--Contributing Author

October 2009

North Korean Olympians Train in Greenwich

Henry F Mazel
--Contributing Author

October 2009

Political "Knife and Fork School" to Open this Fall

Philbert of Macadamia
--Contributing Author

October 2009

Report: 64% of Children Admit to Recreational Bug Use

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

October 2009

Fatso Going Berserk In Anticipation of Universal Health Care

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

September 2009

Girl Scouts Arrested For Leg-Breaking Tactics
Cynical Blast From The Past: May 2005

John Plante
--Staff Writer

September 2009

President Obama Human After All

Jay Blackemire
--Contributing Author

September 2009

World's Second Oldest Man Implicated In Murder For Hire Plot

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

September 2009

College Freshman Like, Totally Tripped Out By Descartes

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

August 2009

Kobe Zoo Claims True Identity Of Novelist "Tomiko" Is Elephant

Saul S Smith
--Contributing Author

August 2009

Local Grandpa Doesn't Know About this Texting

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

August 2009

New Ice Cap Discovered

Daniel Campbell
--Contributing Author

August 2009

Bananas To Come With Warning Labels

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

July 2009

Gay Rights Activist A Latter Day MLK

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

July 2009

Jackman Witnesses Assault on Cancun Paparazzi

Saul S Smith
--Contributing Author

July 2009

Mt. Rushmore Purchased By Sony Corporation

Saul S Smith
--Contributing Author

July 2009

Jackson Tape Cited By Amnesty International as Torture for Gitmo Prisoners

Saul S Smith
--Contributing Author

June 2009

Pothead Thrilled to Get Apartment #420

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

June 2009

Seven to be Replaced

Daniel Campbell
--Contributing Author

June 2009

Tom Cruise's Celebrity Obituary

Tim Frank
--Contributing Author

June 2009

Twelve Year Old to Be Tried As an Adult

Saul S Smith
--Contributing Author

June 2009

White House Quietly Scraps Pearl Harbor Photo Op

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

June 2009

And the Winner is...

Joanne Schiffbauer
--Contributing Author

May 2009

Bird O'matic

Thomas Grantland
--Contributing Author

May 2009

Blind Man Drives from NY To Californian Stopping At All Shoneys

Saul S Smith
--Contributing Author

May 2009

Fourth Long John Silver's Franchises Destroyed in Anti-pirate Backlash

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

May 2009

GMC Unveils 2010 Model Automobile

Philbert of Macadamia
--Contributing Author

May 2009

Nancy Pelosi Receives Phone Call from Outer Space

Philbert of Macadamia
--Contributing Author

May 2009

NRA Takes Aim At Dick Cheney

Joanne Schiffbauer
--Contributing Author

May 2009

Obama To Begin Preemptive Apologies

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

May 2009

Entire Us Economy Is a Giant Ponzi Scheme

Roger Freed
--Contributing Author

April 2009

George W Bush Looking Forward To Penning Great American Novel

Owen Hughes
--Contributing Author

April 2009

Guantanamo Detainee Wins Windfall Judgment

Saul S Smith
--Contributing Author

April 2009

Obama Achieves Very Little During First Week in Office

Owen Hughes
--Contributing Author

April 2009

President Obama's Teleprompter to Play Cyrano de Bergerac

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

April 2009

Schwarzenegger to "Terminate" Elders

Saul S Smith
--Contributing Author

April 2009

Warner Brothers Announce "Watchmen 2: Hawaiian Dyin'"

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

April 2009

World's Sexiest Star Trek Fan Dead at 42

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

April 2009

Ammo and Eye Wear

Joanne Schiffbauer
--Contributing Author

March 2009

Dad Horrified By Ease At Which Son Acquires Porn

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

March 2009

Obama, Roberts To Star in Sitcom

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

March 2009

Obama, Roberts To Star in Sitcom

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

March 2009

Trust Fund Babies

Joanne Schiffbauer
--Contributing Author

March 2009

Bidding Wars Break Out at 'QVC' and 'HSN' for Sarah Palin

Joanne Schiffbauer
--Contributing Author

February 2009

New Soft Rock Station Promises Incredibly Soft Rock

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

February 2009

News brief: Study Studies Studies

Michelle Motoyoshi
--Contributing Author

February 2009

Ode to the Centenarian

Joanne Schiffbauer
--Contributing Author

February 2009

Racist Alzheimer's Patient Confuses Stereotypes

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

February 2009

The Pancake Spa

Thomas Grantland
--Contributing Author

February 2009

Word "Change" Now Used Only in Elation, Derision, Sarcasm

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

February 2009

"Wall Street to Main Street" To Become New National Motto

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

November 2008

Britney Spears Gets Sheared

Jonathan Lowe
--Contributing Author

November 2008

Fulfill Your Destiny with Virtual Fertility

Jonathan Lowe
--Contributing Author

November 2008

Future Sex Workers Ready in 18 Years

Saul S Smith
--Contributing Author

November 2008

Holiday Icons Meet to Discuss Gas Prices and Global Warming

Joanne Schiffbauer
--Contributing Author

November 2008

Number of Bear Cubs in Single Mother Homes Astronomical

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

November 2008

PETA Protests at Pole

Joanne Schiffbauer
--Contributing Author

November 2008

Alec Baldwin Advocates Eating One's Pets

Jonathan Lowe
--Contributing Author

October 2008

Barbra Streisand Does King Kong

Joanne Schiffbauer
--Contributing Author

October 2008

Blair Witch 3 Cassette Found

Jonathan Lowe
--Contributing Author

October 2008

Former High School Geek Still Waiting Internet Tycoon Status

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

October 2008

Joe Biden: Patriotism Now Includes Not Reading Orwell or Huxley, Fellating Senators

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

October 2008

McCain to Debate Paris Hilton

David Sklar
--Contributing Author

October 2008

McCain's Running Mate Withdraws From Race!

Joanne Schiffbauer
--Contributing Author

October 2008

No One Surprised When Local Man Arrested For Serial Murder

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

October 2008

Palin, Biden to Face Off in VP Death Match

David Sklar
--Contributing Author

October 2008

Animal Olympics Held

Roger Poppen
--Contributing Author

September 2008

Jack Nicholson Takes Lessons from Tiger Woods

Jonathan Lowe
--Contributing Author

September 2008

Kathy Lee Wins Lifetime Achievement Award

Jonathan Lowe
--Contributing Author

September 2008

Police Respond to Playboy Mansion

Joanne Schiffbauer
--Contributing Author

September 2008

Porn Distributors to Preemptively Bid on Miley Cyrus Sex Tape

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

September 2008

Suicidal Man, Black Widow a Match Made In Heaven

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

September 2008

Suicide by Ice Cream Sandwich

Tom O’Donnell
--Contributing Author

September 2008

Aerosmith Narrowly Averts Decent Album

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

August 2008

Don Imus Breaks Record for Apologies

Tom O’Donnell
--Contributing Author

August 2008

Dr Phil Explodes

Joanne Schiffbauer
--Contributing Author

August 2008

Justice Kennedy Caught With Magic 8 Ball on Bench

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

August 2008

With No George Carlin Who Will Be the Voice of Political Incorrectness?

Tom O’Donnell
--Contributing Author

August 2008

70's Retro Craze Enters 28th Year

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

July 2008

Local High School Just Like Nazi Germany

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

July 2008

Peter Griffin to Vote for Ron Paul

Jonathan Lowe
--Contributing Author

July 2008

Rapper is Super Hero in New Marvel Movie

Jonathan Lowe
--Contributing Author

July 2008

American Alcoholics Demand Canadian Holiday

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

June 2008

Clinton Throws Kitchen Sink at Obama

David Sklar
--Contributing Author

June 2008

Craig Caught in Stall with Ahmadinejad

David Sklar
--Contributing Author

June 2008

Horoscopes

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

June 2008

Paterson Fires Speechwriter

David Sklar
--Contributing Author

June 2008

Real World Announces Location of Next Season: Skid Row

Mari Plante
--Staff Writer

June 2008

Dozens Killed in Wake of Brilliant Liberal Satirist

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

May 2008

Horoscopes

Bill Shepherd
--Staff Writer

May 2008

Obama Farted!

Boris Entwistle
--Contributing Author

May 2008

Pink to Change Name to Purple

Jonathan Lowe
--Contributing Author

May 2008

Contributors to the Current Issue of Damn-Good Poetry Journal

John Sheirer
--Contributing Author

April 2008

Emmy Kills Emma

Jonathan Lowe
--Contributing Author

April 2008

Gerald Farti, Armchair Political Analyst Says Democratic Nomination About Race, Age and Gender -- And No One Gives A Shit

John Blackemire
--Contributing Author

April 2008

Horoscopes

Bill Shepherd
--Contributing Author

April 2008

James Patterson Knighted

Jonathan Lowe
--Contributing Author

April 2008

USPS Message to Osama Bin Laden

Philbert of Macadamia
--Contributing Author

April 2008

"Dirty, Lousy Writing": The New TV Season

Tom Jemielity
--Contributing Author

November 2007

9 Out of 10 Rich Americans: Fuck The Environment

Bob Brighton
--Staff Writer

November 2007

Advice from The Hare-Brained Ethicist Or What Would Bugs Bunny Do?

Hunter McKee
--Contributing Author

November 2007

Arrest Warrant Issued for Japanese Super Ability Television Starlet

Clayton Follows
--Staff Writer

November 2007

Bush Administration -- Speaker Pelosi Slacking

Bob Brighton
--Staff Writer

November 2007

Civil Rights Group Outraged at Paris Hilton Jail Time

Clayton Follows
--Staff Writer

November 2007

Cynic Online Magazine Ponders Writer’s Strike

Bob Brighton
--Staff Writer

November 2007

Horoscopes

Bill Shepherd
--Contributing Author

November 2007

Mukasey Finds Waterboarding Deplorable

Bob Brighton
--Staff Writer

November 2007

Paris Hilton No Longer A News Item

Bob Brighton
--Staff Writer

November 2007

The Gangs of Lakeside: A Town in Terror

Dale Andrew White
--Contributing Author

November 2007

Unidentified Scientist Locates Missing Bush Backbone

Bob Brighton
--Staff Writer

November 2007

Weapons of Messy Destruction

Laurie Fabrizio
--Contributing Author

November 2007

Advice from the Harebrained Ethicist Pt III

M Hunter McKee
--Contributing Author

October 2007

Advice from the Harebrained Ethicist Pt IV

M Hunter Mckee
--Contributing Author

October 2007

Child's Play

John Thomas Clark
--Contributing Author

October 2007

Gunned Down by Broke Back Mountain

Laurie Fabrizio
--Contributing Author

October 2007

Haiku from the Cubicle

Brenda Gray
--Contributing Author

October 2007

Horiscopes

Bill Shepherd
--Contributing Author

October 2007

Horny Chimp Wreaks Havoc at Local Hospital

Cara Fidler
--Contributing Author

October 2007

More Haiku from the Cubicle

Brenda Gray
--Contributing Author

October 2007

No Sex Please! We’re Hoosier Animals

Tom Jemielity
--Contributing Author

October 2007

Nun Excommunicated for Moonlighting as Exotic Dancer

Vince Wylendifzt
--Contributing Author

October 2007

Oops . . . Did I do it Again?

Laurie Fabrizio
--Contributing Author

October 2007

Peyton Manning to Preemptively Shut Down Backyard Monkey Knife Fights, Human Trafficking Operation

Andrew H Banecker
--Contributing Author

October 2007

10 Steps to Becoming the Next Hannibal Lecter...Or the Next James Peterson

Jonathan Lowe
--Contributing Author

September 2007

Advice from The Hare-Brained Ethicist or What Would Bugs Bunny Do?

M Hunter McKee
--Contributing Author

September 2007

Bush to Invade Canada

WL Hogarth
--Contributing Author

September 2007

Country Music Declaration of Free Speech

Tom O'Donnell
--Contributing Author

September 2007

Dear Hare-Brained Ethicist

M Hunter McKee
--Contributing Author

September 2007

Fedtime for Gonzo?

John Thomas Clark
--Contributing Author

September 2007

Grocery Cart Ramming and Produce Hurling: The Fun New Way to Blow Off Steam

Cara Fidler
--Contributing Author

September 2007

Horiscope

WL Hogarth
--Contributing Author

September 2007

Inmate Demands Refund for Milkshake

Tom O'Donnell
--Contributing Author

September 2007

Pardon Me?

John Thomas Clark
--Contributing Author

September 2007

Rappers Arrested At Wayne Dyer Lecture

Jonathan Lowe
--Contributing Author

September 2007

West Virginia Woman Arrested For Being Politically Incorrect

Cara Fidler
--Contributing Author

September 2007

Best of FarceHaven (May 2004):
Man Arrested For Misconduct With A Motor Vehicle

John Plante
--Staff Writer

September 2006

Bible Thumpers of America Needs Conversionists

John Blackemire
--Staff Writer

September 2006

Rockstar: Supernova Name Declared Lame Ass.

John Plante
--Staff Writer

September 2006

The Band Formerly Known as SuperNova Defend Frontman Selection

John Plante
--Staff Writer

September 2006

UFO Sighting at a National Low

John Plante
--Staff Writer

September 2006

Americans Bemoan Tom DeLay Resignation

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

May 2006

George W. Bush Calls For Reasoned Discourse On Immigration Bill

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

May 2006

Hillary Clinton Challenges B. Muff to First Debate

Bob Brighton
--Staff Writer

May 2006

Potato of Mass Destruction

Bob Brighton
--Staff Writer

May 2006

Saddam Hussein to Seek Tom DeLay’s Congressional Seat

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

May 2006

. . . And They Call it Fluffy Love

Bob Brighton
--Staff Writer

April 2006

Breaking the Wind of Change

John Plante
--Staff Writer

April 2006

Congress Amends Constitution to Allow Foreigners to Run for President

Bob Brighton
--Staff Writer

April 2006

Lots of Thugs, Losers and Dead Enders, But No Insurgents

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

April 2006

Mean What You Say, Don’t Say What You Mean

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

April 2006

Ms. Smith Goes To Washington

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

April 2006

Political Correctness Bites . . . London’s Mayor

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

April 2006

Republican Senate Raises Debt Limit- Happy Days Are Here Again

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

April 2006

Stop Identity Theft by Having a Crappy Identity

Mike Brown
--Contributing Author

April 2006

Tom’s Cruising Again

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

April 2006

Yellowstone Quake Registers 10.7

Jonathan Lowe
--Contributing Author

April 2006

Bang, Bang...He Shot Me Down

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

March 2006

Beverly Hillbillies Strike Oil Off Melrose

Jonathan Lowe
--Contributing Author

March 2006

Decrease Crime by Sabotaging Your Personal Relationships

Mike Brown
--Contributing Author

March 2006

Gunfire Erupts In Halls Of The White House

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

March 2006

Honey, Honey, Honey, I'm Home

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

March 2006

Number One With A Bullet, Or Will He Just Bomb?

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

March 2006

Race Car Driver Jeff Gordon Writes Tell-All Book

Jonathan Lowe
--Contributing Author

March 2006

Recent News from the Fashion World: Pink is the New Pink

Bob Brighton
--Staff Writer

March 2006

Senator Russ Feingold To Put George Bush Censure Resolution Before Congress

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

March 2006

Show Me The Way To Go Home:

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

March 2006

Something’s a Foot at Church Picnic and Pajama Party

John Plante
--Staff Writer

March 2006

Spork Achieves Acceptance in Fine Dining Community.

Bob Brighton
--Staff Writer

March 2006

Tainted Fruit Drink "Taints" Juice Drinking Competition in South America

Dave O'Karma
--Contributing Author

March 2006

The Olympics Go Downhill

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

March 2006

Utah Man Trades Commode For Country

Bob Brighton
--Staff Writer

March 2006

Who's Smiling Now?

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

March 2006

Abramoff Plea Exposes The Loneliness Of Washington Life

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

February 2006

Friends To Be Immortalized

Jonathan Lowe
--Contributing Author

February 2006

George W. Bush Decides The Best Defense Is To Be Offensive

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

February 2006

Republican’s Tap Former President To Lead The Party’s Moral Rehabilitation

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

February 2006

The Reverand Pat Roberstson Condemns Prime Minister Ariel Sharon To The Fire.

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

February 2006

Tom DeLay: The Hammer Refuses To Get Nailed

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

February 2006

Yacht Race Massacres Fifty

Jonathan Lowe
--Contributing Author

February 2006

Attorney For Tom Delay Cites Evidence Of Guilt As Proof of Innocence And Vice Versa

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

November 2005

Citing George W. Bush’s Policies, Satire Writers Admit They’re Superfluous.

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

November 2005

Libby Investigated Over Plame

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

November 2005

Nobel Prizes for Acting and Singing Announced

Jonathan Lowe
--Contributing Author

November 2005

Rumsfeld Worries About China Nuke Build-up, Everyone Worries About Rumsfeld

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

November 2005

Star Wars to be Filmed Again

Jonathan Lowe
--Contributing Author

November 2005

White House Admits Hillary Clinton Is Source Of Valerie Plame Leak

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

November 2005

Brad Pitt Falls Into Pit

Jonathan Lowe
--Contributing Author

October 2005

Fashion Industry Rushes to Kate Moss's Defense

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

October 2005

Former Education Secretary William Bennet Stuns Americans

Bob Chow
--Staff Writer

October 2005

George W. Bush’s Iraq: A Cleft Stick Of His Own Cutting

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

October 2005

God & Dubya's Rift

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

October 2005

I'll Run the World

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

October 2005

Islamo-Fascism? George W. Bush Tries Out New Five-Syllable Word for Terror

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

October 2005

Religious Fanatics Foiled in Hollywood Bust

Jonathan Lowe
--Contributing Author

October 2005

The Dead Support Bush

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

October 2005

The Scorecard #1

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

October 2005

The Scorecard #2

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

October 2005

The Scorecard #3

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

October 2005

"I Married A Dope" Proclaims First Lady

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

September 2005

Axis Of Evil Opens New Fast Food Restaurants

John Plante
--Staff Writer

September 2005

Bug Leg Interferes With Magazine Production

John Plante
--Staff Writer

September 2005

Bush Declares War On Nature’s Terrorism

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

September 2005

Bush Takes Blame for Mistake -- America Stunned

John Plante
--Staff Writer

September 2005

Bush to New Orleans: Here I Come to Save the Day!

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

September 2005

Forecast Help

Paul Molyneux
--Contributing Author

September 2005

Katrina Takes Bush by Surprise

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

September 2005

Peanut Butter Found to Be Great Hair Gel Alternative

Clayton Follows
--Staff Writer

September 2005

Police Arrest Suicide Bomber

John Plante
--Staff Writer

September 2005

Vampire Hunters Meet In Las Vegas Hunter's Convention

John Plante
--Staff Writer

September 2005

Brother, Can You Spare A Dime?

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

August 2005

Homeland Security To Terrorists: Bomb Trucks And Trains, Not Planes

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

August 2005

John Roberts Biography

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

August 2005

News in Briefs

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

August 2005

On Surprise Visit To Iraq, Donald Rumsfeld Kidnapped By Insurgents, Immediately Given Back

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

August 2005

Sheehan Can't Find Bush

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

August 2005

Supreme Court Nominee John Roberts Calls On George W. Bush To Fire Karl Rove and Scooter Libby.

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

August 2005

The News in Boxers

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

August 2005

The News in Briefs

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

August 2005

US Creates New Nuclear Weapons Opt Out List

John Plante
--Staff Writer

August 2005

Waterhouse Sunk

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

August 2005

World's Longest Weiner

Dave O'Karma
--Contributing Author

August 2005

Bush Bails on Iraq

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

July 2005

Bush Slammed Over Iraq

John Plante
--Staff Writer

July 2005

Cats Now Come With Brains of Rats

John Plante
--Staff Writer

July 2005

City of Oakland to Bulldoze Rest of Oakland

John Plante
--Staff Writer

July 2005

City of Washington DC Annexes US Supreme Court Under Eminent Domain

John Plante
--Staff Writer

July 2005

News in Boxers

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

July 2005

News in Briefs

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

July 2005

Rapper's Ghost Takes Up Residence At Old Folk's Home

John Plante
--Staff Writer

July 2005

Rise in Low Tech Terror. Dept of Homeland Security Concerned

John Plante
--Staff Writer

July 2005

Study About Study on Studies Needs More Study Concludes Study

John Plante
--Staff Writer

July 2005

The News in Briefs

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

July 2005

Vampire Hunter Talks to Children About Protection

John Plante
--Staff Writer

July 2005

What's In A Name

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

July 2005



Author Removed
--Contributing Poet

June 2005

China’s Secret Textile Plot: Exposing the United States to Embarrassment.

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

June 2005

Cop Purchases Meth Laced Hamburger From Missouri McDonald's

John Plante
--Staff Writer

June 2005

Feminist Group Develops Seminar to Further Female Independance

John Plante
--Staff Writer

June 2005

French Espionage Agent Turns Out to be a Monkey

John Plante
--Staff Writer

June 2005

Jackson Innocence Like Fall of Berlin Wall, Birth of Martin Luther King Claims MJJSource.com

John Plante
--Staff Writer

June 2005

Screamconk Corporation Develops New Intellectual Property Protection Device

John Plante
--Staff Writer

June 2005

Security Screeners Defend New Airport X-Ray Scanners

John Plante
--Staff Writer

June 2005

The News in Boxers

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

June 2005

The News In Briefs

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

June 2005



Author Removed
--Contributing Poet

May 2005

Bush Administration Takes Credit For "Curbing" Gang Violence

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

May 2005

Dissociative Identity Disorder Victim Becomes Roto Rooter

John Plante
--Staff Writer

May 2005

Don’t Stand In The Way Of America:

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

May 2005

Genetically Altered Mice Form Civil Rights Groups

John Plante
--Staff Writer

May 2005

Girl Scouts Arrested For Leg-Breaking Tactics

John Plante
--Staff Writer

May 2005

Man Refuses to Wear Lipstick at Nevada Casino. Casino Okay With It

John Plante
--Staff Writer

May 2005

Minutemen To Form New SuperHero Crime Fighting Taskforce

John Plante
--Staff Writer

May 2005

Missing Georgia Woman Found; Still No Weapons of Mass Destruction

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

May 2005

Orlando Bloom In Typecasting Nightmare

John Plante
--Staff Writer

May 2005

Student Turns School's Witness in Violation of No Hugging Statute

John Plante
--Staff Writer

May 2005

The News in Brief

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

May 2005

What If They Gave A War And We Couldn’t Come?

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

May 2005



Author Removed
--Contributing Author

April 2005



Author Removed
--Contributing Author

April 2005



Author Removed
--Contributing Author

April 2005

Biological Weapons Unearthed in Iraq!

Jason Scott
--Contributing Author

April 2005

Bush Appointees Blast Gays, Bunnies

David Sklar
--Contributing Author

April 2005

Bush Celebrates World Job Growth

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

April 2005

Bush: Either You’re With Us or You’re With the Tsunamis

David Sklar
--Contributing Author

April 2005

Cartoon Characters "Come Out" In Support of SpongeBob Video

Ivan Avetissian
--Staff Writer

April 2005

Don’t Touch That ... You Don’t Know Where It’s Been

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

April 2005

House Proposes Amendment to Insult Voters' Intelligence

David Sklar
--Contributing Author

April 2005

Inherit the Wind -- Redux in a Southern Town

Ivan Avetissian
--Staff Writer

April 2005

Letters to the Editor:

Ivan Avetissian
--Staff Writer

April 2005

Pope Pissed - Excommunicates Everyone

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

April 2005

Riots at Indian Cow Eating Contest

Dave O'Karma
--Contributing Author

April 2005

Say It With Fighters

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

April 2005

Swing States Secede

David Sklar
--Contributing Author

April 2005

The News in Boxers-

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

April 2005

The News in Brief-

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

April 2005

"Purpose-Driven Life": Not the First Book to Play Role in Hostage Situations

Ivan Avetissian
--Staff Writer

March 2005

Blonde Bombshell Finds the Force

John Plante
--Staff Writer

March 2005

Brad and Jen Separate Conjoined Twins

John Plante
--Staff Writer

March 2005

Bush Administration Cancels Next Tuesday

John Plante
--Staff Writer

March 2005

Clinton Sleeps on Floor For Bush

John Plante
--Staff Writer

March 2005

Congress Passes New Indecency Laws

John Plante
--Staff Writer

March 2005

Congress Seeks Remote Controlled Pie Throwing Ban

John Plante
--Staff Writer

March 2005

CSI Popularity Aides in Clearing Forensic Backlog

Ivan Avetissian
--Staff Writer

March 2005

Easter Bunny Starts Brawl in Irish Pub

John Plante
--Staff Writer

March 2005

Escape From Alcatraz

Mari Plante
--Staff Writer

March 2005

Marylyn Manson To Marry Poodle, VH1 To Make Reality Show

John Plante
--Staff Writer

March 2005

Mrs. Santa Claus to Unveil New Holiday Denture Line

John Plante
--Staff Writer

March 2005

Salad Claims to Have Seen Face of Christ in Human

John Plante
--Staff Writer

March 2005

Today's Hollowscope

John & Mari Plante
--Staff Writer

March 2005

Chuck Terzella - February News Boxers

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

February 2005

Chuck Terzella - February News Briefs

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

February 2005

Hollywood Gets on Outsourcing Bandwagon

John Plante
--Staff Writer

February 2005

Nothing Wrong With Oil For Food Program

John Plante
--Staff Writer

February 2005

Patrick Stewart Joins Crestor Spin/Public Relations Campaign

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

February 2005

Raising The Roof. The White House Unplugged.

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

February 2005

Wait--It Gets Worse

John Plante
--Staff Writer

February 2005

Advertisement: UnGas That Ass

John Plante
--Staff Writer

January 2005

Al Qaida Endorses Bush 2004

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

January 2005

Americans Everywhere Cheer End of Assault Weapons Ban

John Plante
--Staff Writer

January 2005

Army of One Shot in Iraq. US Seeks New Army

John Plante
--Staff Writer

January 2005

Buddist Monks Throw Beer Bash in The Bronx

John Plante
--Staff Writer

January 2005

Bush Recalled to Active Duty

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

January 2005

Condi Jilted!

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

January 2005

Drew Carey Unveils New Underwear Line

John & Mari Plante
--Staff Writer

January 2005

Ex-Lesbian Says No More Bush!

John & Mari Plante
--Staff Writer

January 2005

Gangsta Rappa for President

John Plante
--Staff Writer

January 2005

Iraq Attacks Afghanistan

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

January 2005

It's a game, it's a cult, it's a Weapon of Mass Destruction.

Simon Hembra
--Contributing Author

January 2005

Man Arrested For Misconduct With A Motor Vehicle

John Plante
--Staff Writer

January 2005

Motion Lotion Company Sues McDonald's For Stealing 'I'm Lubing It Slogan'

Charity Blackemire
--Staff Writer

January 2005

President Bush Announces Emmitt Smith As Running Mate

Jason Scott
--Contributing Author

January 2005

Rumsfeld Unveils List of Approved Tortures

David Sklar
--Contributing Author

January 2005

Saddam Hussein Remains Defiant

John Plante
--Staff Writer

January 2005

Sly Stallone: Best Actor?

Robert Pingatore
--Contributing Author

January 2005

Studios Unveil New Fall Line Up

Mari Plante
--Staff Writer

January 2005

The Day After Tommorrow

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

January 2005

The Hollywood Crack Whore Diet: The Latest in Fad Diets

Mari Plante
--Staff Writer

January 2005

Today's Hollowscope

John Plante
--Staff Writer

January 2005

U.S. Inspectors Find Weapon of Mouse Destruction

David Sklar
--Contributing Author

January 2005

Vote for Me Then Kill Yourself Declares Bush

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

January 2005

Buddist Monks Throw Beer Bash in The Bronx

John Plante
--Staff Writer

November 2004

Bush Promises Troops Everything Needed

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

November 2004

Court Lets US off on Time Served

David Sklar
--Contributing Author

November 2004

Danish Firm Releases Inflatable Smart Breast Implants

John Plante
--Staff Writer

November 2004

Electronic Voting Machines Vote For Bush

John Plante
--Staff Writer

November 2004

Fox Pundits Explain Contradictory Epithets

David Sklar
--Contributing Author

November 2004

Gay Marriages Threaten. . . Um. . . Something, Probably

David Sklar
--Contributing Author

November 2004

Kerry, Bush Court America's Undecided Voters

John Plante
--Staff Writer

November 2004

Republican Learns Belligerent Democrat Is His Own Son

David Sklar
--Contributing Author

November 2004

Saddam Released on Technicality

David Sklar
--Contributing Author

November 2004

Super Pill Makes Headlines

John Plante
--Staff Writer

November 2004

Supply-side Ergonomics at Work

David Sklar
--Contributing Author

November 2004

US Votes For Four More Years of Laughs

John Plante
--Staff Writer

November 2004

Army of One Shot in Iraq. US Seeks New Army

John Plante
--Staff Writer

October 2004

Bush to be Peace President, Gullible Not in Dictionary

David Sklar
--Contributing Author

October 2004

Candidates Purchase Norwegian-Language Ads

David Sklar
--Contributing Author

October 2004

Cheney Withdraws, Endorses Kerry

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

October 2004

Community Events Calander For October 2004

John Plante
--Staff Writer

October 2004

Donald Rumsfeld Makes it Clear: It's Confusing

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

October 2004

Edwards/ Cheney Debate: Audience Awards Edwards 82.5 Million for Pain and Suffering

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

October 2004

Eminem Unveils New Candy Line

John Plante
--Staff Writer

October 2004

George W Bush Leads By Example

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

October 2004

Hamster's Union Threatens Strike

John Plante
--Staff Writer

October 2004

Iraqi Deserters Strive to Emulate US President

David Sklar
--Contributing Author

October 2004

Kerry Slam Dunks Bush On Weapons Ban During Third Debate

John Plante
--Staff Writer

October 2004

Rumsfeld Unveils List of Approved Tortures

David Sklar
--Contributing Author

October 2004

Scientist Discovers Space Alien in Modern Temple

John Plante
--Staff Writer

October 2004

Tom DeLay Accused of Ethics Violations: What a Shock

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

October 2004

U.S. Inspectors Find Weapon of Mouse Destruction

David Sklar
--Contributing Author

October 2004

U.S. Releases Strategic Oil Reserves

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

October 2004

US Occupiers Resort to Diplomacy

David Sklar
--Contributing Author

October 2004

White House Key Players to Retire

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

October 2004

WMD Report-Bush Vindicated!

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

October 2004

World Peace Declared--Bush Outraged

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

October 2004

'Sprawl-Mart' To Build SuperCenter Attached to Mexican Pyramids

John Plante
--Staff Writer

September 2004

Americans Everywhere Cheer End of Assault Weapons Ban

John Plante
--Staff Writer

September 2004

Bush Recalled to Active Duty

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

September 2004

Bush's Records Found

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

September 2004

Candidates Discuss Issues

John Plante
--Staff Writer

September 2004

FarceHaven Attempts a Bushless Issue

John Plante
--Staff Writer

September 2004

Gangsta Rappa for President

John Plante
--Staff Writer

September 2004

Give Us Back Our Statue! Declares French President

John Plante
--Staff Writer

September 2004

Martha Stewart: "I'll Miss My Chickens"

John Plante
--Staff Writer

September 2004

NASA Unveils New Space Shuttle Launch Vehicle

John Plante
--Staff Writer

September 2004

New Terror Alerts Issued

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

September 2004

Studios Unveil New Fall Line Up

Mari Plante
--Staff Writer

September 2004

Super Earth Found Outside of Solar System

John Plante
--Staff Writer

September 2004

Advertisement: UnGas That Ass

John Plante
--Staff Writer

August 2004

Carrie Ahead in the Polls

John Plante
--Staff Writer

August 2004

Community Events Calendar

John Plante
--Staff Writer

August 2004

Do you want to grow large with that?

Simon Hembra
--Contributing Author

August 2004

Iraq Attacks Afghanistan

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

August 2004

It's a game, it's a cult, it's a Weapon of Mass Destruction.

Simon Hembra
--Contributing Author

August 2004

Man Sees Man Who Saw Elvis at Local Chili Cook Off

John Plante
--Staff Writer

August 2004

Mutant Lobsters Attack North Florida Village

John Plante
--Staff Writer

August 2004

Schwarzenegger Calls Legislators "Girlie Men"

John Plante
--Staff Writer

August 2004

Smoking Bananas An Up and Coming Pasttime

John Plante
--Staff Writer

August 2004

Stewart Sentenced

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

August 2004

Superhero Arrested for Indecent Exposure

John Plante
--Staff Writer

August 2004

Today's Hollowscope

John Plante
--Staff Writer

August 2004

Today's Hollowscope

John Plante
--Staff Writer

August 2004

White House Fights Back

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

August 2004

Block the Vote

John Plante
--Staff Writer

July 2004

Bush and John Paul

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

July 2004

Bush Angry Over "Cheap Thug" Claim

John Plante
--Staff Writer

July 2004

Bush To Collect Presidential Documents

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

July 2004

Cheney To Replace Bush

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

July 2004

Fiction Filmaker To Make Untold Millions in Celcius 411

John Plante
--Staff Writer

July 2004

Iraqi Killed

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

July 2004

LAPD Officers Beat Black Man On Camera

Bob Chow
--Staff Writer

July 2004

Nothing Intimidating About Carrier Movements Claims Navy Rear

John Plante
--Staff Writer

July 2004

Saddam Hussein Remains Defiant

John Plante
--Staff Writer

July 2004

Senate Gives Bush Billions

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

July 2004

Small Movie Chain Finds Fahrenheit Too Hot To Play

John Plante
--Staff Writer

July 2004

The Hollywood Crack Whore Diet: The Latest in Fad Diets

Mari Plante
--Staff Writer

July 2004

Weapons of Mass Destruction Found

David Sklar
--Contributing Author

July 2004

Well, They Coulda Made Weapons Claims Bush

John Plante
--Staff Writer

July 2004

Your Teacher’s a Terrorist

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

July 2004

Adversity or Edge?

Dave O'Karma
--Contributing Author

June 2004

Al Qaida Endorses Bush 2004

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

June 2004

Bush Honors Hymen

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writers

June 2004

Bush: He's a Super Phreak

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

June 2004

Catholicism: It's Our Way or the Hell Way

John Plante
--Staff Writer

June 2004

College Fees to be Raised

Mari Plante
--Staff Writer

June 2004

Drew Carey Unveils New Underwear Line

John & Mari Plante
--Staff Writer

June 2004

Ex-Lesbian Says No More Bush!

John & Mari Plante
--Staff Writer

June 2004

Give Piece a Chance

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

June 2004

Hopscotch added to the Olympic Line-up.

John Blackemire
--Staff Writer

June 2004

Kay Seeks Military Bush

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

June 2004

Kerry Attacks Bush

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

June 2004

Miss Universe Contestant Disqualified for Being Too Natural

John & Mari Plante
--Staff Writer

June 2004

Monkey Business -- Where are they now?

John Plante
--Staff Writer

June 2004

Pet Smooching

Mari Plante
--Staff Writer

June 2004

Self-loathing not necessarily a bad thing

John Blackemire
--Staff Writer

June 2004

Terror Attacks Report

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

June 2004

The Day After Tommorrow

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

June 2004

Valerie Palme and the Politics of Cooking

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

June 2004

Alcoholics Out Of
The Closetus


John Plante
--Staff Writer

May 2004

Amend the Constitution Says Bush

John Plante
--Staff Writer

May 2004

Bush/American People in Agreement

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

May 2004

Crazy Like A Fox

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

May 2004

Cynical Sound Bites:

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

May 2004

Gremlin Onslaught Continues:

John Plante
--Staff Writer

May 2004

Here Comes the Judge

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

May 2004

Man Arrested For Misconduct With A Motor Vehicle

John Plante
--Staff Writer

May 2004

Omorosa Gets Hit On Head, Takes Vacation in Tahiti

John Plante
--Staff Writer

May 2004

President Responds to 9-11 Intelligence Allegations

John Plante
--Staff Writer

May 2004

Sandra Bellbutt Leaves Animal Rights Group PETA for Atkins Diet

John Plante
--Staff Writer

May 2004

Serial Killer Holds Up Restaurant With Sheer Stench of Armpit

John Blackemire
--Staff Writer

May 2004

Space Aliens Launch Fast Food Restraunt Chain

John Plante
--Staff Writer

May 2004

That Just Burns Me Up

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

May 2004

Tres Fire Island

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

May 2004

You Could be Watching Television Right Now.

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

May 2004

9-11 Not Preventable Declares Expert

John Plante
--Staff Writer

April 2004

Alabama Selects New Official State Chewing Tobacco

John Plante
--Staff Writer

April 2004

Best of FarceHaven (June 2001): Navy Fighter Intercepts Flying Pigs off the Coast of Madagascar

John Blackemire
--Staff Writer

April 2004

Bush: I Believe in Dick

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

April 2004

Celebrity Offs Family of Three On National Television

John Plante
--Staff Writer

April 2004

Charges Not Dropped for Kidnapper

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

April 2004

Condi Jilted!

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

April 2004

Cynical Replay(Nov/Dec 2000): Florida Voting Dilemma to be Decided on the Nascar Circuit

John Blackemire
--Staff Writer

April 2004

Do You Hear What I Hear

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

April 2004

Easter Bunnies go on Rampage Cynical Flashback: August 2000

John Blackemire
--Staff Writer

April 2004

God Goes Green

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

April 2004

I'll Make Him an Offer He Can't Refuse

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

April 2004

It's Da Bomb

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

April 2004

Kerry Is A Killer Claims Bush

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

April 2004

Motion Lotion Company Sues McDonald's For Stealing 'I'm Lubing It Slogan'

Charity Blackemire
--Staff Writer

April 2004

NASA Finds Intelligent Life On Earth Cynical Replay (June 2001)

John Blackemire
--Staff Writer

April 2004

Schwarzenegger Takes Course In Sexual Harrasment

John Blackemire
--Staff Writer

April 2004

TV May Cause Attention Deficit Disorder

John Plante
--Staff Writer

April 2004

Vote for Me Then Kill Yourself Declares Bush

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

April 2004

Aliens Terrorize Local Grocery Store

John Plante
--Staff Writer

March 2004

Baker Speaks; Heads Explode

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

March 2004

George Wants You Osama

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

March 2004

Halliburton: Someone's Gotta Pay

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

March 2004

In Other News:

Clayton Follows
--Staff Writer

March 2004

In Other News:

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

March 2004

Is This Space Taken?

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

March 2004

Janklow Convicted

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

March 2004

Mayor Don/Donna?

Charity Blackemire
--Staff Writer

March 2004

Mel Gibson Has Passion

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

March 2004

Mountain to be Blown Up

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

March 2004

Schwarzenegger Defends Poetntial Ban of Same Sex Marriages

Clayton Follows
--Staff Writer

March 2004

Sly Stallone: Best Actor?

Robert Pingatore
--Contributing Author

March 2004

The Stain Game

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

March 2004

Trailer Park Secedes From Union

John Plante
--Staff Writer

March 2004

War Due to Lack of Intelligence

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

March 2004

Women's Rights Group Sues Women's Rights Group For Not Being Man Enough

John Blackemire
--Staff Writer

March 2004

Halftime Could Have Been Worse Claims Halftime Insider.

Clayton Follows
--Staff Writer

February 2004

It Was Wardrobe Malfunction Claims Area Man

John Blackemire
--Staff Writer

February 2004

Alcoholics Out-Of-The-Clostetus

John Plante
--Staff Writer

January 2004

Bible Thumpers of America

John Plante
--Staff Writer

January 2004

Man Stops to Ask for Directions, Female Scientist Baffled

John Plante
--Staff Writer

January 2004

President Bush Announces Emmitt Smith As Running Mate

Jason Scott
--Contributing Author

January 2004

Today in Sports

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

January 2004

Bush Admits to Being Hansen Fan

John Blackemire
--Staff Writer

December 2003

Dear Gabina:

John Plante
--Staff Writer

December 2003

Iraqi Saddam Hussein Santa Claus Escape Conspiracy Unveiled

Clayton Follows
--Staff Writer

December 2003

New Ray Gun Eliminates Women's Clothing

John Plante
--Staff Writer

December 2003

Saruman Cut From Return of the King: Vows Vengeance

John Plante
--Staff Writer

December 2003

The Unlucky Thirteenth

Dave O'Karma
--Contributing Author

December 2003

Today in Sports

Chuck Terzella
--Staff Writer

December 2003

Beer Linked To Drunkenness

John Plante
--Staff Writer

November 2003

Dear Gabina:

John Plante
--Staff Writer

November 2003

Peanut Butter Found to Be Great Hair Gel Alternative

Clayton Follows
--Staff Writer

November 2003

President Bush Dances with Raliens in Search for WMD

John Plante
--Staff Writer

November 2003

World's Oldest Speedeater Dies

Dave O'Karma
--Contributing Author

November 2003

Crintel Micro Unveils New Biological Micro-Processor

Clayton Follows
--Staff Writer

October 2003

Local Vampires Seeks Groupies

John Plante
--Staff Writer

October 2003

President Bush Unveils Halloween Costume for 2003

John Plante
--Staff Writer

October 2003

Rumsfield Reveals Supernatural Powers at Press Conference

John Plante
--Staff Writer

October 2003

Vampire Hunter Joins Hunt For Iraqi WMD

John Plante
--Staff Writer

October 2003

Bible Thumpers Of America is Seeking Conversionists

John Plante
--Staff Writer

September 2003

Bourgeois Bunny Running For CA Governor

John Plante
--Staff Writer

September 2003

Hollywood Actor Seeking a Cause

John Plante
--Staff Writer

September 2003

Pastors Paying for Praying Pets

Mari Plante
--Staff Writer

September 2003

PITA Retaliates Against The Cynic Online Magazine

John Blackemire
--Staff Writer

September 2003

Alcoholics-Out-Of-The-Closetus

John Plante
--Staff Writer

August 2003

Cynical Q & A With Doug Simolean - Trollop Computers

John Plante
--Staff Writer

August 2003

Dear Gabby:

John Plante
--Staff Writer

August 2003

Homeless Man Wins Millions

Mari Plante
--Staff Writer

August 2003

Man Bites Dog

John Plante
--Staff Writer

August 2003

PITA Pisses off A Pickled Pepper

John Blackemire
--Staff Writer

August 2003

Recall Election Nears

Mari Plante
--Staff Writer

August 2003

Senator Seeking to Ban Straight Marriages

John Plante
--Staff Writer

August 2003

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