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Cynic Online Magazine
Publication Archive

Welcome to the Cynic Online Magazine's Publication Archive. Here you will find a listing of all of the works published on our website since January 2004. Most work is available by simply clicking on the title. We are still checking some of our records to veryify our rights to archive a few pieces and are trying to obtain archival rights to others, so it's quite possible that a piece that is not available for viewing may become available in the future. If you are an author of one of these unavailable pieces and would like to give us your permission to show your work once more, please write us at editors@cynicmag.com

Instructions
Click on an Author's Name or Issue Date to Narrow the Listing. Click on a column heading to sort items by that column. Click on the title of a work to view the archive of that work.

The FarceHaven Tribune
Item	Author	Issue
Glenn Beck Secretly Happy That Prop 8 Was Overturned	Michael Bashover --Contributing Author	September 2010
How World Leaders Deal with Offshore Drilling Oil Spills	Philbert of Macadamia --Contributing Author	September 2010
Merck & Co. Release New Flintstone-Shaped Vicodin	Michael Jenkins --Contributing Author	September 2010
President Obama to Reduce Size of Federal Government	Philbert of Macadamia --Contributing Author	September 2010
Biden Telling Everyone Glenn Beck Masturbatory Blindness Joke	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	August 2010
Bogusshire News from BBV (Bonkers Broadcasting Venture)	Hanaa Elzahabe Elsayed --Contributing Author	August 2010
Man Vents Anger at BP by Selling Harry Potter Novels	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	August 2010
President Obama to Reduce Size of Federal Government	Philbert of Macadamia --Contributing Author	August 2010
Third Grade, Treadmills and Cramming for Blood Tests	Mary F French --Contributing Author	August 2010
Botched Response To Gulf Oil Spill Makes Man Wish Bush Were Still In Office	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	July 2010
Pizza Delivery Driver Can't Believe Stupidity Of Baron Von Running Bear	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	July 2010
The Crime of the Century : The Assassination of Google in China	Hanaa Elzahabe Elsayed --Contributing Author	July 2010
I Do!	Joanne Schiffbauer --Contributing Author	June 2010
Local Creep Willing To Help Anytime If You Know What He Means	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	June 2010
Mean Girls...Part Deaux!	Joanne Schiffbauer --Contributing Author	June 2010
PEDA Expands Their Meat Product Lines	Philbert of Macadamia --Contributing Author	June 2010
Scared Straight: Liberal Arts Majors Wins Palme d'Or	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	June 2010
Teen Who's Stepdad Owns A Hummer: Congress Must Increase Gas Tax	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	June 2010
A Match Made In Heaven	Joanne Schiffbauer --Contributing Author	May 2010
Birkenstock Earth Mother Of The Year	Joanne Schiffbauer --Contributing Author	May 2010
E Coli	Sean Michael Lee --Contributing Author	May 2010
Guns to be Replaced by Flower Shooting Slingshots	Mark Garrison --Contributing Author	May 2010
Man Compares Everything to Bacon	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	May 2010
Woman Finally Understands Tea Bag Jokes	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	May 2010
Family Feuds: The Best New Show in Town	Raul Gallardo --Contributing Author	April 2010
Geico To Begin Selling Health Insurance	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	April 2010
Heidi's Back!	Joanne Schiffbauer --Contributing Author	April 2010
Justice Thomas AWOL for State of Union	Don Monkerud --Contributing Author	April 2010
Pathetic Malcontent Feels Sorry For Everyone	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	April 2010
She's Back!	Joanne Schiffbauer --Contributing Author	April 2010
Sinners Rejoice-You Can Once More Buy An Indulgence!	Tom O'Donnell --Contributing Author	April 2010
The Latest Proposal Against Tobacco In The U.S	Raul Gallardo --Contributing Author	April 2010
Bacon Banned in the USA, Chicago Gangsters Reemerge	Philbert of Macadamia --Contributing Author	March 2010
CIA Defends "Finger Removal" As Next Step in Enhanced Interrogation	Saul S Smith --Contributing Author	March 2010
Fourth Spanish Teacher Immolates Self To Raise Awareness of Irregular Verbs	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	March 2010
Mariachi Band: The Next Development from Rockband	Raul Gallardo --Contributing Author	March 2010
Michael Phelps Wins Inaugural Snow Swimming Event	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	March 2010
Roman Catholic Church Announces Extra Crispy & Flavored Communion Wafers	Tom O'Donnell --Contributing Author	March 2010
Australian Biologists Find Dingo Urine Kills Kangaroos	Saul S Smith --Contributing Author	February 2010
Housewife Wishes She Could Pee Standing Up	David Tulis --Contributing Author	February 2010
Oslo to Award Coveted Peace Prize to Bin Ladin	Saul S Smith --Contributing Author	February 2010
Robertson On Recent Dementia Diagnosis: My Brain Made A Pact With The Devil	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	February 2010
Sen. Collins Still Sore from State of the Union	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	February 2010
Taylor Swift Cancels Concert Tour Due to Existentialist Anxiety	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	February 2010
An American Political Ghost Story	Philbert of Macadamia --Contributing Author	November 2009
British Court Orders Stephen Hawking's Plug Pulled	Saul S Smith --Contributing Author	November 2009
Couple Forces Selves to Fight Over Toilet Seat	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	November 2009
Culling of Homeless Population in Miami to Begin Week Before Christmas	Saul S Smith --Contributing Author	November 2009
David Letterman Blames Affairs, General Creepiness On Cheney	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	November 2009
Morehead Snead Captures Cup	Henry F Mazel --Contributing Author	November 2009
Nobel Committee Awards Literature Prize to College Junior	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	November 2009
Sarah Ogden Root to Be Bride	Henry F Mazel --Contributing Author	November 2009
Addition of Shrimp to Taco Bell Menu Best Thing to Happen to Man This Year	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	October 2009
Barack Backs Beans	Phillip Donnelly --Contributing Author	October 2009
Muffy Elizabeth Lodge to Wed Hebrew	Henry F Mazel --Contributing Author	October 2009
North Korean Olympians Train in Greenwich	Henry F Mazel --Contributing Author	October 2009
Political "Knife and Fork School" to Open this Fall	Philbert of Macadamia --Contributing Author	October 2009
Report: 64% of Children Admit to Recreational Bug Use	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	October 2009
Fatso Going Berserk In Anticipation of Universal Health Care	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	September 2009
Girl Scouts Arrested For Leg-Breaking Tactics Cynical Blast From The Past: May 2005	John Plante --Staff Writer	September 2009
President Obama Human After All	Jay Blackemire --Contributing Author	September 2009
World's Second Oldest Man Implicated In Murder For Hire Plot	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	September 2009
College Freshman Like, Totally Tripped Out By Descartes	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	August 2009
Kobe Zoo Claims True Identity Of Novelist "Tomiko" Is Elephant	Saul S Smith --Contributing Author	August 2009
Local Grandpa Doesn't Know About this Texting	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	August 2009
New Ice Cap Discovered	Daniel Campbell --Contributing Author	August 2009
Bananas To Come With Warning Labels	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	July 2009
Gay Rights Activist A Latter Day MLK	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	July 2009
Jackman Witnesses Assault on Cancun Paparazzi	Saul S Smith --Contributing Author	July 2009
Mt. Rushmore Purchased By Sony Corporation	Saul S Smith --Contributing Author	July 2009
Jackson Tape Cited By Amnesty International as Torture for Gitmo Prisoners	Saul S Smith --Contributing Author	June 2009
Pothead Thrilled to Get Apartment #420	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	June 2009
Seven to be Replaced	Daniel Campbell --Contributing Author	June 2009
Tom Cruise's Celebrity Obituary	Tim Frank --Contributing Author	June 2009
Twelve Year Old to Be Tried As an Adult	Saul S Smith --Contributing Author	June 2009
White House Quietly Scraps Pearl Harbor Photo Op	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	June 2009
And the Winner is...	Joanne Schiffbauer --Contributing Author	May 2009
Bird O'matic	Thomas Grantland --Contributing Author	May 2009
Blind Man Drives from NY To Californian Stopping At All Shoneys	Saul S Smith --Contributing Author	May 2009
Fourth Long John Silver's Franchises Destroyed in Anti-pirate Backlash	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	May 2009
GMC Unveils 2010 Model Automobile	Philbert of Macadamia --Contributing Author	May 2009
Nancy Pelosi Receives Phone Call from Outer Space	Philbert of Macadamia --Contributing Author	May 2009
NRA Takes Aim At Dick Cheney	Joanne Schiffbauer --Contributing Author	May 2009
Obama To Begin Preemptive Apologies	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	May 2009
Entire Us Economy Is a Giant Ponzi Scheme	Roger Freed --Contributing Author	April 2009
George W Bush Looking Forward To Penning Great American Novel	Owen Hughes --Contributing Author	April 2009
Guantanamo Detainee Wins Windfall Judgment	Saul S Smith --Contributing Author	April 2009
Obama Achieves Very Little During First Week in Office	Owen Hughes --Contributing Author	April 2009
President Obama's Teleprompter to Play Cyrano de Bergerac	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	April 2009
Schwarzenegger to "Terminate" Elders	Saul S Smith --Contributing Author	April 2009
Warner Brothers Announce "Watchmen 2: Hawaiian Dyin'"	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	April 2009
World's Sexiest Star Trek Fan Dead at 42	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	April 2009
Ammo and Eye Wear	Joanne Schiffbauer --Contributing Author	March 2009
Dad Horrified By Ease At Which Son Acquires Porn	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	March 2009
Obama, Roberts To Star in Sitcom	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	March 2009
Obama, Roberts To Star in Sitcom	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	March 2009
Trust Fund Babies	Joanne Schiffbauer --Contributing Author	March 2009
Bidding Wars Break Out at 'QVC' and 'HSN' for Sarah Palin	Joanne Schiffbauer --Contributing Author	February 2009
New Soft Rock Station Promises Incredibly Soft Rock	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	February 2009
News brief: Study Studies Studies	Michelle Motoyoshi --Contributing Author	February 2009
Ode to the Centenarian	Joanne Schiffbauer --Contributing Author	February 2009
Racist Alzheimer's Patient Confuses Stereotypes	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	February 2009
The Pancake Spa	Thomas Grantland --Contributing Author	February 2009
Word "Change" Now Used Only in Elation, Derision, Sarcasm	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	February 2009
"Wall Street to Main Street" To Become New National Motto	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	November 2008
Britney Spears Gets Sheared	Jonathan Lowe --Contributing Author	November 2008
Fulfill Your Destiny with Virtual Fertility	Jonathan Lowe --Contributing Author	November 2008
Future Sex Workers Ready in 18 Years	Saul S Smith --Contributing Author	November 2008
Holiday Icons Meet to Discuss Gas Prices and Global Warming	Joanne Schiffbauer --Contributing Author	November 2008
Number of Bear Cubs in Single Mother Homes Astronomical	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	November 2008
PETA Protests at Pole	Joanne Schiffbauer --Contributing Author	November 2008
Alec Baldwin Advocates Eating One's Pets	Jonathan Lowe --Contributing Author	October 2008
Barbra Streisand Does King Kong	Joanne Schiffbauer --Contributing Author	October 2008
Blair Witch 3 Cassette Found	Jonathan Lowe --Contributing Author	October 2008
Former High School Geek Still Waiting Internet Tycoon Status	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	October 2008
Joe Biden: Patriotism Now Includes Not Reading Orwell or Huxley, Fellating Senators	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	October 2008
McCain to Debate Paris Hilton	David Sklar --Contributing Author	October 2008
McCain's Running Mate Withdraws From Race!	Joanne Schiffbauer --Contributing Author	October 2008
No One Surprised When Local Man Arrested For Serial Murder	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	October 2008
Palin, Biden to Face Off in VP Death Match	David Sklar --Contributing Author	October 2008
Animal Olympics Held	Roger Poppen --Contributing Author	September 2008
Jack Nicholson Takes Lessons from Tiger Woods	Jonathan Lowe --Contributing Author	September 2008
Kathy Lee Wins Lifetime Achievement Award	Jonathan Lowe --Contributing Author	September 2008
Police Respond to Playboy Mansion	Joanne Schiffbauer --Contributing Author	September 2008
Porn Distributors to Preemptively Bid on Miley Cyrus Sex Tape	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	September 2008
Suicidal Man, Black Widow a Match Made In Heaven	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	September 2008
Suicide by Ice Cream Sandwich	Tom O�Donnell --Contributing Author	September 2008
Aerosmith Narrowly Averts Decent Album	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	August 2008
Don Imus Breaks Record for Apologies	Tom O�Donnell --Contributing Author	August 2008
Dr Phil Explodes	Joanne Schiffbauer --Contributing Author	August 2008
Justice Kennedy Caught With Magic 8 Ball on Bench	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	August 2008
With No George Carlin Who Will Be the Voice of Political Incorrectness?	Tom O�Donnell --Contributing Author	August 2008
70's Retro Craze Enters 28th Year	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	July 2008
Local High School Just Like Nazi Germany	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	July 2008
Peter Griffin to Vote for Ron Paul	Jonathan Lowe --Contributing Author	July 2008
Rapper is Super Hero in New Marvel Movie	Jonathan Lowe --Contributing Author	July 2008
American Alcoholics Demand Canadian Holiday	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	June 2008
Clinton Throws Kitchen Sink at Obama	David Sklar --Contributing Author	June 2008
Craig Caught in Stall with Ahmadinejad	David Sklar --Contributing Author	June 2008
Horoscopes	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	June 2008
Paterson Fires Speechwriter	David Sklar --Contributing Author	June 2008
Real World Announces Location of Next Season: Skid Row	Mari Plante --Staff Writer	June 2008
Dozens Killed in Wake of Brilliant Liberal Satirist	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	May 2008
Horoscopes	Bill Shepherd --Staff Writer	May 2008
Obama Farted!	Boris Entwistle --Contributing Author	May 2008
Pink to Change Name to Purple	Jonathan Lowe --Contributing Author	May 2008
Contributors to the Current Issue of Damn-Good Poetry Journal	John Sheirer --Contributing Author	April 2008
Emmy Kills Emma	Jonathan Lowe --Contributing Author	April 2008
Gerald Farti, Armchair Political Analyst Says Democratic Nomination About Race, Age and Gender -- And No One Gives A Shit	John Blackemire --Contributing Author	April 2008
Horoscopes	Bill Shepherd --Contributing Author	April 2008
James Patterson Knighted	Jonathan Lowe --Contributing Author	April 2008
USPS Message to Osama Bin Laden	Philbert of Macadamia --Contributing Author	April 2008
"Dirty, Lousy Writing": The New TV Season	Tom Jemielity --Contributing Author	November 2007
9 Out of 10 Rich Americans: Fuck The Environment	Bob Brighton --Staff Writer	November 2007
Advice from The Hare-Brained Ethicist Or What Would Bugs Bunny Do?	Hunter McKee --Contributing Author	November 2007
Arrest Warrant Issued for Japanese Super Ability Television Starlet	Clayton Follows --Staff Writer	November 2007
Bush Administration -- Speaker Pelosi Slacking	Bob Brighton --Staff Writer	November 2007
Civil Rights Group Outraged at Paris Hilton Jail Time	Clayton Follows --Staff Writer	November 2007
Cynic Online Magazine Ponders Writer�s Strike	Bob Brighton --Staff Writer	November 2007
Horoscopes	Bill Shepherd --Contributing Author	November 2007
Mukasey Finds Waterboarding Deplorable	Bob Brighton --Staff Writer	November 2007
Paris Hilton No Longer A News Item	Bob Brighton --Staff Writer	November 2007
The Gangs of Lakeside: A Town in Terror	Dale Andrew White --Contributing Author	November 2007
Unidentified Scientist Locates Missing Bush Backbone	Bob Brighton --Staff Writer	November 2007
Weapons of Messy Destruction	Laurie Fabrizio --Contributing Author	November 2007
Advice from the Harebrained Ethicist Pt III	M Hunter McKee --Contributing Author	October 2007
Advice from the Harebrained Ethicist Pt IV	M Hunter Mckee --Contributing Author	October 2007
Child's Play	John Thomas Clark --Contributing Author	October 2007
Gunned Down by Broke Back Mountain	Laurie Fabrizio --Contributing Author	October 2007
Haiku from the Cubicle	Brenda Gray --Contributing Author	October 2007
Horiscopes	Bill Shepherd --Contributing Author	October 2007
Horny Chimp Wreaks Havoc at Local Hospital	Cara Fidler --Contributing Author	October 2007
More Haiku from the Cubicle	Brenda Gray --Contributing Author	October 2007
No Sex Please! We�re Hoosier Animals	Tom Jemielity --Contributing Author	October 2007
Nun Excommunicated for Moonlighting as Exotic Dancer	Vince Wylendifzt --Contributing Author	October 2007
Oops . . . Did I do it Again?	Laurie Fabrizio --Contributing Author	October 2007
Peyton Manning to Preemptively Shut Down Backyard Monkey Knife Fights, Human Trafficking Operation	Andrew H Banecker --Contributing Author	October 2007
10 Steps to Becoming the Next Hannibal Lecter...Or the Next James Peterson	Jonathan Lowe --Contributing Author	September 2007
Advice from The Hare-Brained Ethicist or What Would Bugs Bunny Do?	M Hunter McKee --Contributing Author	September 2007
Bush to Invade Canada	WL Hogarth --Contributing Author	September 2007
Country Music Declaration of Free Speech	Tom O'Donnell --Contributing Author	September 2007
Dear Hare-Brained Ethicist	M Hunter McKee --Contributing Author	September 2007
Fedtime for Gonzo?	John Thomas Clark --Contributing Author	September 2007
Grocery Cart Ramming and Produce Hurling: The Fun New Way to Blow Off Steam	Cara Fidler --Contributing Author	September 2007
Horiscope	WL Hogarth --Contributing Author	September 2007
Inmate Demands Refund for Milkshake	Tom O'Donnell --Contributing Author	September 2007
Pardon Me?	John Thomas Clark --Contributing Author	September 2007
Rappers Arrested At Wayne Dyer Lecture	Jonathan Lowe --Contributing Author	September 2007
West Virginia Woman Arrested For Being Politically Incorrect	Cara Fidler --Contributing Author	September 2007
Best of FarceHaven (May 2004): Man Arrested For Misconduct With A Motor Vehicle	John Plante --Staff Writer	September 2006
Bible Thumpers of America Needs Conversionists	John Blackemire --Staff Writer	September 2006
Rockstar: Supernova Name Declared Lame Ass.	John Plante --Staff Writer	September 2006
The Band Formerly Known as SuperNova Defend Frontman Selection	John Plante --Staff Writer	September 2006
UFO Sighting at a National Low	John Plante --Staff Writer	September 2006
Americans Bemoan Tom DeLay Resignation	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	May 2006
George W. Bush Calls For Reasoned Discourse On Immigration Bill	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	May 2006
Hillary Clinton Challenges B. Muff to First Debate	Bob Brighton --Staff Writer	May 2006
Potato of Mass Destruction	Bob Brighton --Staff Writer	May 2006
Saddam Hussein to Seek Tom DeLay�s Congressional Seat	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	May 2006
. . . And They Call it Fluffy Love	Bob Brighton --Staff Writer	April 2006
Breaking the Wind of Change	John Plante --Staff Writer	April 2006
Congress Amends Constitution to Allow Foreigners to Run for President	Bob Brighton --Staff Writer	April 2006
Lots of Thugs, Losers and Dead Enders, But No Insurgents	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	April 2006
Mean What You Say, Don�t Say What You Mean	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	April 2006
Ms. Smith Goes To Washington	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	April 2006
Political Correctness Bites . . . London�s Mayor	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	April 2006
Republican Senate Raises Debt Limit- Happy Days Are Here Again	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	April 2006
Stop Identity Theft by Having a Crappy Identity	Mike Brown --Contributing Author	April 2006
Tom�s Cruising Again	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	April 2006
Yellowstone Quake Registers 10.7	Jonathan Lowe --Contributing Author	April 2006
Bang, Bang...He Shot Me Down	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	March 2006
Beverly Hillbillies Strike Oil Off Melrose	Jonathan Lowe --Contributing Author	March 2006
Decrease Crime by Sabotaging Your Personal Relationships	Mike Brown --Contributing Author	March 2006
Gunfire Erupts In Halls Of The White House	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	March 2006
Honey, Honey, Honey, I'm Home	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	March 2006
Number One With A Bullet, Or Will He Just Bomb?	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	March 2006
Race Car Driver Jeff Gordon Writes Tell-All Book	Jonathan Lowe --Contributing Author	March 2006
Recent News from the Fashion World: Pink is the New Pink	Bob Brighton --Staff Writer	March 2006
Senator Russ Feingold To Put George Bush Censure Resolution Before Congress	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	March 2006
Show Me The Way To Go Home:	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	March 2006
Something�s a Foot at Church Picnic and Pajama Party	John Plante --Staff Writer	March 2006
Spork Achieves Acceptance in Fine Dining Community.	Bob Brighton --Staff Writer	March 2006
Tainted Fruit Drink "Taints" Juice Drinking Competition in South America	Dave O'Karma --Contributing Author	March 2006
The Olympics Go Downhill	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	March 2006
Utah Man Trades Commode For Country	Bob Brighton --Staff Writer	March 2006
Who's Smiling Now?	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	March 2006
Abramoff Plea Exposes The Loneliness Of Washington Life	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	February 2006
Friends To Be Immortalized	Jonathan Lowe --Contributing Author	February 2006
George W. Bush Decides The Best Defense Is To Be Offensive	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	February 2006
Republican�s Tap Former President To Lead The Party�s Moral Rehabilitation	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	February 2006
The Reverand Pat Roberstson Condemns Prime Minister Ariel Sharon To The Fire.	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	February 2006
Tom DeLay: The Hammer Refuses To Get Nailed	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	February 2006
Yacht Race Massacres Fifty	Jonathan Lowe --Contributing Author	February 2006
Attorney For Tom Delay Cites Evidence Of Guilt As Proof of Innocence And Vice Versa	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	November 2005
Citing George W. Bush�s Policies, Satire Writers Admit They�re Superfluous.	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	November 2005
Libby Investigated Over Plame	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	November 2005
Nobel Prizes for Acting and Singing Announced	Jonathan Lowe --Contributing Author	November 2005
Rumsfeld Worries About China Nuke Build-up, Everyone Worries About Rumsfeld	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	November 2005
Star Wars to be Filmed Again	Jonathan Lowe --Contributing Author	November 2005
White House Admits Hillary Clinton Is Source Of Valerie Plame Leak	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	November 2005
Brad Pitt Falls Into Pit	Jonathan Lowe --Contributing Author	October 2005
Fashion Industry Rushes to Kate Moss's Defense	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	October 2005
Former Education Secretary William Bennet Stuns Americans	Bob Chow --Staff Writer	October 2005
George W. Bush�s Iraq: A Cleft Stick Of His Own Cutting	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	October 2005
God & Dubya's Rift	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	October 2005
I'll Run the World	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	October 2005
Islamo-Fascism? George W. Bush Tries Out New Five-Syllable Word for Terror	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	October 2005
Religious Fanatics Foiled in Hollywood Bust	Jonathan Lowe --Contributing Author	October 2005
The Dead Support Bush	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	October 2005
The Scorecard #1	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	October 2005
The Scorecard #2	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	October 2005
The Scorecard #3	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	October 2005
"I Married A Dope" Proclaims First Lady	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	September 2005
Axis Of Evil Opens New Fast Food Restaurants	John Plante --Staff Writer	September 2005
Bug Leg Interferes With Magazine Production	John Plante --Staff Writer	September 2005
Bush Declares War On Nature�s Terrorism	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	September 2005
Bush Takes Blame for Mistake -- America Stunned	John Plante --Staff Writer	September 2005
Bush to New Orleans: Here I Come to Save the Day!	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	September 2005
Forecast Help	Paul Molyneux --Contributing Author	September 2005
Katrina Takes Bush by Surprise	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	September 2005
Peanut Butter Found to Be Great Hair Gel Alternative	Clayton Follows --Staff Writer	September 2005
Police Arrest Suicide Bomber	John Plante --Staff Writer	September 2005
Vampire Hunters Meet In Las Vegas Hunter's Convention	John Plante --Staff Writer	September 2005
Brother, Can You Spare A Dime?	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	August 2005
Homeland Security To Terrorists: Bomb Trucks And Trains, Not Planes	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	August 2005
John Roberts Biography	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	August 2005
News in Briefs	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	August 2005
On Surprise Visit To Iraq, Donald Rumsfeld Kidnapped By Insurgents, Immediately Given Back	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	August 2005
Sheehan Can't Find Bush	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	August 2005
Supreme Court Nominee John Roberts Calls On George W. Bush To Fire Karl Rove and Scooter Libby.	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	August 2005
The News in Boxers	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	August 2005
The News in Briefs	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	August 2005
US Creates New Nuclear Weapons Opt Out List	John Plante --Staff Writer	August 2005
Waterhouse Sunk	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	August 2005
World's Longest Weiner	Dave O'Karma --Contributing Author	August 2005
Bush Bails on Iraq	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	July 2005
Bush Slammed Over Iraq	John Plante --Staff Writer	July 2005
Cats Now Come With Brains of Rats	John Plante --Staff Writer	July 2005
City of Oakland to Bulldoze Rest of Oakland	John Plante --Staff Writer	July 2005
City of Washington DC Annexes US Supreme Court Under Eminent Domain	John Plante --Staff Writer	July 2005
News in Boxers	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	July 2005
News in Briefs	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	July 2005
Rapper's Ghost Takes Up Residence At Old Folk's Home	John Plante --Staff Writer	July 2005
Rise in Low Tech Terror. Dept of Homeland Security Concerned	John Plante --Staff Writer	July 2005
Study About Study on Studies Needs More Study Concludes Study	John Plante --Staff Writer	July 2005
The News in Briefs	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	July 2005
Vampire Hunter Talks to Children About Protection	John Plante --Staff Writer	July 2005
What's In A Name	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	July 2005
	Author Removed --Contributing Poet	June 2005
China�s Secret Textile Plot: Exposing the United States to Embarrassment.	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	June 2005
Cop Purchases Meth Laced Hamburger From Missouri McDonald's	John Plante --Staff Writer	June 2005
Feminist Group Develops Seminar to Further Female Independance	John Plante --Staff Writer	June 2005
French Espionage Agent Turns Out to be a Monkey	John Plante --Staff Writer	June 2005
Jackson Innocence Like Fall of Berlin Wall, Birth of Martin Luther King Claims MJJSource.com	John Plante --Staff Writer	June 2005
Screamconk Corporation Develops New Intellectual Property Protection Device	John Plante --Staff Writer	June 2005
Security Screeners Defend New Airport X-Ray Scanners	John Plante --Staff Writer	June 2005
The News in Boxers	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	June 2005
The News In Briefs	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	June 2005
	Author Removed --Contributing Poet	May 2005
Bush Administration Takes Credit For "Curbing" Gang Violence	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	May 2005
Dissociative Identity Disorder Victim Becomes Roto Rooter	John Plante --Staff Writer	May 2005
Don�t Stand In The Way Of America:	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	May 2005
Genetically Altered Mice Form Civil Rights Groups	John Plante --Staff Writer	May 2005
Girl Scouts Arrested For Leg-Breaking Tactics	John Plante --Staff Writer	May 2005
Man Refuses to Wear Lipstick at Nevada Casino. Casino Okay With It	John Plante --Staff Writer	May 2005
Minutemen To Form New SuperHero Crime Fighting Taskforce	John Plante --Staff Writer	May 2005
Missing Georgia Woman Found; Still No Weapons of Mass Destruction	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	May 2005
Orlando Bloom In Typecasting Nightmare	John Plante --Staff Writer	May 2005
Student Turns School's Witness in Violation of No Hugging Statute	John Plante --Staff Writer	May 2005
The News in Brief	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	May 2005
What If They Gave A War And We Couldn�t Come?	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	May 2005
	Author Removed --Contributing Author	April 2005
	Author Removed --Contributing Author	April 2005
	Author Removed --Contributing Author	April 2005
Biological Weapons Unearthed in Iraq!	Jason Scott --Contributing Author	April 2005
Bush Appointees Blast Gays, Bunnies	David Sklar --Contributing Author	April 2005
Bush Celebrates World Job Growth	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	April 2005
Bush: Either You�re With Us or You�re With the Tsunamis	David Sklar --Contributing Author	April 2005
Cartoon Characters "Come Out" In Support of SpongeBob Video	Ivan Avetissian --Staff Writer	April 2005
Don�t Touch That ... You Don�t Know Where It�s Been	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	April 2005
House Proposes Amendment to Insult Voters' Intelligence	David Sklar --Contributing Author	April 2005
Inherit the Wind -- Redux in a Southern Town	Ivan Avetissian --Staff Writer	April 2005
Letters to the Editor:	Ivan Avetissian --Staff Writer	April 2005
Pope Pissed - Excommunicates Everyone	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	April 2005
Riots at Indian Cow Eating Contest	Dave O'Karma --Contributing Author	April 2005
Say It With Fighters	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	April 2005
Swing States Secede	David Sklar --Contributing Author	April 2005
The News in Boxers-	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	April 2005
The News in Brief-	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	April 2005
"Purpose-Driven Life": Not the First Book to Play Role in Hostage Situations	Ivan Avetissian --Staff Writer	March 2005
Blonde Bombshell Finds the Force	John Plante --Staff Writer	March 2005
Brad and Jen Separate Conjoined Twins	John Plante --Staff Writer	March 2005
Bush Administration Cancels Next Tuesday	John Plante --Staff Writer	March 2005
Clinton Sleeps on Floor For Bush	John Plante --Staff Writer	March 2005
Congress Passes New Indecency Laws	John Plante --Staff Writer	March 2005
Congress Seeks Remote Controlled Pie Throwing Ban	John Plante --Staff Writer	March 2005
CSI Popularity Aides in Clearing Forensic Backlog	Ivan Avetissian --Staff Writer	March 2005
Easter Bunny Starts Brawl in Irish Pub	John Plante --Staff Writer	March 2005
Escape From Alcatraz	Mari Plante --Staff Writer	March 2005
Marylyn Manson To Marry Poodle, VH1 To Make Reality Show	John Plante --Staff Writer	March 2005
Mrs. Santa Claus to Unveil New Holiday Denture Line	John Plante --Staff Writer	March 2005
Salad Claims to Have Seen Face of Christ in Human	John Plante --Staff Writer	March 2005
Today's Hollowscope	John & Mari Plante --Staff Writer	March 2005
Chuck Terzella - February News Boxers	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	February 2005
Chuck Terzella - February News Briefs	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	February 2005
Hollywood Gets on Outsourcing Bandwagon	John Plante --Staff Writer	February 2005
Nothing Wrong With Oil For Food Program	John Plante --Staff Writer	February 2005
Patrick Stewart Joins Crestor Spin/Public Relations Campaign	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	February 2005
Raising The Roof. The White House Unplugged.	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	February 2005
Wait--It Gets Worse	John Plante --Staff Writer	February 2005
Advertisement: UnGas That Ass	John Plante --Staff Writer	January 2005
Al Qaida Endorses Bush 2004	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	January 2005
Americans Everywhere Cheer End of Assault Weapons Ban	John Plante --Staff Writer	January 2005
Army of One Shot in Iraq. US Seeks New Army	John Plante --Staff Writer	January 2005
Buddist Monks Throw Beer Bash in The Bronx	John Plante --Staff Writer	January 2005
Bush Recalled to Active Duty	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	January 2005
Condi Jilted!	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	January 2005
Drew Carey Unveils New Underwear Line	John & Mari Plante --Staff Writer	January 2005
Ex-Lesbian Says No More Bush!	John & Mari Plante --Staff Writer	January 2005
Gangsta Rappa for President	John Plante --Staff Writer	January 2005
Iraq Attacks Afghanistan	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	January 2005
It's a game, it's a cult, it's a Weapon of Mass Destruction.	Simon Hembra --Contributing Author	January 2005
Man Arrested For Misconduct With A Motor Vehicle	John Plante --Staff Writer	January 2005
Motion Lotion Company Sues McDonald's For Stealing 'I'm Lubing It Slogan'	Charity Blackemire --Staff Writer	January 2005
President Bush Announces Emmitt Smith As Running Mate	Jason Scott --Contributing Author	January 2005
Rumsfeld Unveils List of Approved Tortures	David Sklar --Contributing Author	January 2005
Saddam Hussein Remains Defiant	John Plante --Staff Writer	January 2005
Sly Stallone: Best Actor?	Robert Pingatore --Contributing Author	January 2005
Studios Unveil New Fall Line Up	Mari Plante --Staff Writer	January 2005
The Day After Tommorrow	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	January 2005
The Hollywood Crack Whore Diet: The Latest in Fad Diets	Mari Plante --Staff Writer	January 2005
Today's Hollowscope	John Plante --Staff Writer	January 2005
U.S. Inspectors Find Weapon of Mouse Destruction	David Sklar --Contributing Author	January 2005
Vote for Me Then Kill Yourself Declares Bush	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	January 2005
Buddist Monks Throw Beer Bash in The Bronx	John Plante --Staff Writer	November 2004
Bush Promises Troops Everything Needed	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	November 2004
Court Lets US off on Time Served	David Sklar --Contributing Author	November 2004
Danish Firm Releases Inflatable Smart Breast Implants	John Plante --Staff Writer	November 2004
Electronic Voting Machines Vote For Bush	John Plante --Staff Writer	November 2004
Fox Pundits Explain Contradictory Epithets	David Sklar --Contributing Author	November 2004
Gay Marriages Threaten. . . Um. . . Something, Probably	David Sklar --Contributing Author	November 2004
Kerry, Bush Court America's Undecided Voters	John Plante --Staff Writer	November 2004
Republican Learns Belligerent Democrat Is His Own Son	David Sklar --Contributing Author	November 2004
Saddam Released on Technicality	David Sklar --Contributing Author	November 2004
Super Pill Makes Headlines	John Plante --Staff Writer	November 2004
Supply-side Ergonomics at Work	David Sklar --Contributing Author	November 2004
US Votes For Four More Years of Laughs	John Plante --Staff Writer	November 2004
Army of One Shot in Iraq. US Seeks New Army	John Plante --Staff Writer	October 2004
Bush to be Peace President, Gullible Not in Dictionary	David Sklar --Contributing Author	October 2004
Candidates Purchase Norwegian-Language Ads	David Sklar --Contributing Author	October 2004
Cheney Withdraws, Endorses Kerry	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	October 2004
Community Events Calander For October 2004	John Plante --Staff Writer	October 2004
Donald Rumsfeld Makes it Clear: It's Confusing	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	October 2004
Edwards/ Cheney Debate: Audience Awards Edwards 82.5 Million for Pain and Suffering	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	October 2004
Eminem Unveils New Candy Line	John Plante --Staff Writer	October 2004
George W Bush Leads By Example	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	October 2004
Hamster's Union Threatens Strike	John Plante --Staff Writer	October 2004
Iraqi Deserters Strive to Emulate US President	David Sklar --Contributing Author	October 2004
Kerry Slam Dunks Bush On Weapons Ban During Third Debate	John Plante --Staff Writer	October 2004
Rumsfeld Unveils List of Approved Tortures	David Sklar --Contributing Author	October 2004
Scientist Discovers Space Alien in Modern Temple	John Plante --Staff Writer	October 2004
Tom DeLay Accused of Ethics Violations: What a Shock	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	October 2004
U.S. Inspectors Find Weapon of Mouse Destruction	David Sklar --Contributing Author	October 2004
U.S. Releases Strategic Oil Reserves	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	October 2004
US Occupiers Resort to Diplomacy	David Sklar --Contributing Author	October 2004
White House Key Players to Retire	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	October 2004
WMD Report-Bush Vindicated!	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	October 2004
World Peace Declared--Bush Outraged	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	October 2004
'Sprawl-Mart' To Build SuperCenter Attached to Mexican Pyramids	John Plante --Staff Writer	September 2004
Americans Everywhere Cheer End of Assault Weapons Ban	John Plante --Staff Writer	September 2004
Bush Recalled to Active Duty	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	September 2004
Bush's Records Found	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	September 2004
Candidates Discuss Issues	John Plante --Staff Writer	September 2004
FarceHaven Attempts a Bushless Issue	John Plante --Staff Writer	September 2004
Gangsta Rappa for President	John Plante --Staff Writer	September 2004
Give Us Back Our Statue! Declares French President	John Plante --Staff Writer	September 2004
Martha Stewart: "I'll Miss My Chickens"	John Plante --Staff Writer	September 2004
NASA Unveils New Space Shuttle Launch Vehicle	John Plante --Staff Writer	September 2004
New Terror Alerts Issued	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	September 2004
Studios Unveil New Fall Line Up	Mari Plante --Staff Writer	September 2004
Super Earth Found Outside of Solar System	John Plante --Staff Writer	September 2004
Advertisement: UnGas That Ass	John Plante --Staff Writer	August 2004
Carrie Ahead in the Polls	John Plante --Staff Writer	August 2004
Community Events Calendar	John Plante --Staff Writer	August 2004
Do you want to grow large with that?	Simon Hembra --Contributing Author	August 2004
Iraq Attacks Afghanistan	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	August 2004
It's a game, it's a cult, it's a Weapon of Mass Destruction.	Simon Hembra --Contributing Author	August 2004
Man Sees Man Who Saw Elvis at Local Chili Cook Off	John Plante --Staff Writer	August 2004
Mutant Lobsters Attack North Florida Village	John Plante --Staff Writer	August 2004
Schwarzenegger Calls Legislators "Girlie Men"	John Plante --Staff Writer	August 2004
Smoking Bananas An Up and Coming Pasttime	John Plante --Staff Writer	August 2004
Stewart Sentenced	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	August 2004
Superhero Arrested for Indecent Exposure	John Plante --Staff Writer	August 2004
Today's Hollowscope	John Plante --Staff Writer	August 2004
Today's Hollowscope	John Plante --Staff Writer	August 2004
White House Fights Back	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	August 2004
Block the Vote	John Plante --Staff Writer	July 2004
Bush and John Paul	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	July 2004
Bush Angry Over "Cheap Thug" Claim	John Plante --Staff Writer	July 2004
Bush To Collect Presidential Documents	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	July 2004
Cheney To Replace Bush	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	July 2004
Fiction Filmaker To Make Untold Millions in Celcius 411	John Plante --Staff Writer	July 2004
Iraqi Killed	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	July 2004
LAPD Officers Beat Black Man On Camera	Bob Chow --Staff Writer	July 2004
Nothing Intimidating About Carrier Movements Claims Navy Rear	John Plante --Staff Writer	July 2004
Saddam Hussein Remains Defiant	John Plante --Staff Writer	July 2004
Senate Gives Bush Billions	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	July 2004
Small Movie Chain Finds Fahrenheit Too Hot To Play	John Plante --Staff Writer	July 2004
The Hollywood Crack Whore Diet: The Latest in Fad Diets	Mari Plante --Staff Writer	July 2004
Weapons of Mass Destruction Found	David Sklar --Contributing Author	July 2004
Well, They Coulda Made Weapons Claims Bush	John Plante --Staff Writer	July 2004
Your Teacher�s a Terrorist	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	July 2004
Adversity or Edge?	Dave O'Karma --Contributing Author	June 2004
Al Qaida Endorses Bush 2004	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	June 2004
Bush Honors Hymen	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writers	June 2004
Bush: He's a Super Phreak	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	June 2004
Catholicism: It's Our Way or the Hell Way	John Plante --Staff Writer	June 2004
College Fees to be Raised	Mari Plante --Staff Writer	June 2004
Drew Carey Unveils New Underwear Line	John & Mari Plante --Staff Writer	June 2004
Ex-Lesbian Says No More Bush!	John & Mari Plante --Staff Writer	June 2004
Give Piece a Chance	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	June 2004
Hopscotch added to the Olympic Line-up.	John Blackemire --Staff Writer	June 2004
Kay Seeks Military Bush	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	June 2004
Kerry Attacks Bush	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	June 2004
Miss Universe Contestant Disqualified for Being Too Natural	John & Mari Plante --Staff Writer	June 2004
Monkey Business -- Where are they now?	John Plante --Staff Writer	June 2004
Pet Smooching	Mari Plante --Staff Writer	June 2004
Self-loathing not necessarily a bad thing	John Blackemire --Staff Writer	June 2004
Terror Attacks Report	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	June 2004
The Day After Tommorrow	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	June 2004
Valerie Palme and the Politics of Cooking	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	June 2004
Alcoholics Out Of The Closetus	John Plante --Staff Writer	May 2004
Amend the Constitution Says Bush	John Plante --Staff Writer	May 2004
Bush/American People in Agreement	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	May 2004
Crazy Like A Fox	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	May 2004
Cynical Sound Bites:	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	May 2004
Gremlin Onslaught Continues:	John Plante --Staff Writer	May 2004
Here Comes the Judge	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	May 2004
Man Arrested For Misconduct With A Motor Vehicle	John Plante --Staff Writer	May 2004
Omorosa Gets Hit On Head, Takes Vacation in Tahiti	John Plante --Staff Writer	May 2004
President Responds to 9-11 Intelligence Allegations	John Plante --Staff Writer	May 2004
Sandra Bellbutt Leaves Animal Rights Group PETA for Atkins Diet	John Plante --Staff Writer	May 2004
Serial Killer Holds Up Restaurant With Sheer Stench of Armpit	John Blackemire --Staff Writer	May 2004
Space Aliens Launch Fast Food Restraunt Chain	John Plante --Staff Writer	May 2004
That Just Burns Me Up	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	May 2004
Tres Fire Island	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	May 2004
You Could be Watching Television Right Now.	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	May 2004
9-11 Not Preventable Declares Expert	John Plante --Staff Writer	April 2004
Alabama Selects New Official State Chewing Tobacco	John Plante --Staff Writer	April 2004
Best of FarceHaven (June 2001): Navy Fighter Intercepts Flying Pigs off the Coast of Madagascar	John Blackemire --Staff Writer	April 2004
Bush: I Believe in Dick	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	April 2004
Celebrity Offs Family of Three On National Television	John Plante --Staff Writer	April 2004
Charges Not Dropped for Kidnapper	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	April 2004
Condi Jilted!	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	April 2004
Cynical Replay(Nov/Dec 2000): Florida Voting Dilemma to be Decided on the Nascar Circuit	John Blackemire --Staff Writer	April 2004
Do You Hear What I Hear	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	April 2004
Easter Bunnies go on Rampage Cynical Flashback: August 2000	John Blackemire --Staff Writer	April 2004
God Goes Green	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	April 2004
I'll Make Him an Offer He Can't Refuse	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	April 2004
It's Da Bomb	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	April 2004
Kerry Is A Killer Claims Bush	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	April 2004
Motion Lotion Company Sues McDonald's For Stealing 'I'm Lubing It Slogan'	Charity Blackemire --Staff Writer	April 2004
NASA Finds Intelligent Life On Earth Cynical Replay (June 2001)	John Blackemire --Staff Writer	April 2004
Schwarzenegger Takes Course In Sexual Harrasment	John Blackemire --Staff Writer	April 2004
TV May Cause Attention Deficit Disorder	John Plante --Staff Writer	April 2004
Vote for Me Then Kill Yourself Declares Bush	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	April 2004
Aliens Terrorize Local Grocery Store	John Plante --Staff Writer	March 2004
Baker Speaks; Heads Explode	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	March 2004
George Wants You Osama	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	March 2004
Halliburton: Someone's Gotta Pay	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	March 2004
In Other News:	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	March 2004
In Other News:	Clayton Follows --Staff Writer	March 2004
Is This Space Taken?	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	March 2004
Janklow Convicted	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	March 2004
Mayor Don/Donna?	Charity Blackemire --Staff Writer	March 2004
Mel Gibson Has Passion	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	March 2004
Mountain to be Blown Up	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	March 2004
Schwarzenegger Defends Poetntial Ban of Same Sex Marriages	Clayton Follows --Staff Writer	March 2004
Sly Stallone: Best Actor?	Robert Pingatore --Contributing Author	March 2004
The Stain Game	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	March 2004
Trailer Park Secedes From Union	John Plante --Staff Writer	March 2004
War Due to Lack of Intelligence	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	March 2004
Women's Rights Group Sues Women's Rights Group For Not Being Man Enough	John Blackemire --Staff Writer	March 2004
Halftime Could Have Been Worse Claims Halftime Insider.	Clayton Follows --Staff Writer	February 2004
It Was Wardrobe Malfunction Claims Area Man	John Blackemire --Staff Writer	February 2004
Alcoholics Out-Of-The-Clostetus	John Plante --Staff Writer	January 2004
Bible Thumpers of America	John Plante --Staff Writer	January 2004
Man Stops to Ask for Directions, Female Scientist Baffled	John Plante --Staff Writer	January 2004
President Bush Announces Emmitt Smith As Running Mate	Jason Scott --Contributing Author	January 2004
Today in Sports	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	January 2004
Bush Admits to Being Hansen Fan	John Blackemire --Staff Writer	December 2003
Dear Gabina:	John Plante --Staff Writer	December 2003
Iraqi Saddam Hussein Santa Claus Escape Conspiracy Unveiled	Clayton Follows --Staff Writer	December 2003
New Ray Gun Eliminates Women's Clothing	John Plante --Staff Writer	December 2003
Saruman Cut From Return of the King: Vows Vengeance	John Plante --Staff Writer	December 2003
The Unlucky Thirteenth	Dave O'Karma --Contributing Author	December 2003
Today in Sports	Chuck Terzella --Staff Writer	December 2003
Beer Linked To Drunkenness	John Plante --Staff Writer	November 2003
Dear Gabina:	John Plante --Staff Writer	November 2003
Peanut Butter Found to Be Great Hair Gel Alternative	Clayton Follows --Staff Writer	November 2003
President Bush Dances with Raliens in Search for WMD	John Plante --Staff Writer	November 2003
World's Oldest Speedeater Dies	Dave O'Karma --Contributing Author	November 2003
Crintel Micro Unveils New Biological Micro-Processor	Clayton Follows --Staff Writer	October 2003
Local Vampires Seeks Groupies	John Plante --Staff Writer	October 2003
President Bush Unveils Halloween Costume for 2003	John Plante --Staff Writer	October 2003
Rumsfield Reveals Supernatural Powers at Press Conference	John Plante --Staff Writer	October 2003
Vampire Hunter Joins Hunt For Iraqi WMD	John Plante --Staff Writer	October 2003
Bible Thumpers Of America is Seeking Conversionists	John Plante --Staff Writer	September 2003
Bourgeois Bunny Running For CA Governor	John Plante --Staff Writer	September 2003
Hollywood Actor Seeking a Cause	John Plante --Staff Writer	September 2003
Pastors Paying for Praying Pets	Mari Plante --Staff Writer	September 2003
PITA Retaliates Against The Cynic Online Magazine	John Blackemire --Staff Writer	September 2003
Alcoholics-Out-Of-The-Closetus	John Plante --Staff Writer	August 2003
Cynical Q & A With Doug Simolean - Trollop Computers	John Plante --Staff Writer	August 2003
Dear Gabby:	John Plante --Staff Writer	August 2003
Homeless Man Wins Millions	Mari Plante --Staff Writer	August 2003
Man Bites Dog	John Plante --Staff Writer	August 2003
PITA Pisses off A Pickled Pepper	John Blackemire --Staff Writer	August 2003
Recall Election Nears	Mari Plante --Staff Writer	August 2003
Senator Seeking to Ban Straight Marriages	John Plante --Staff Writer	August 2003

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