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The FarceHaven Tribune
Still reeling from widespread criticism over having only one "sleepy" Aircraft Controller on duty, the Ronald Reagan National Airport learned today there will be a no fly zone policy in effect until 2050.
The Coffee Shop was empty and the urinals in the men's room smelled as fresh as a daisy due to a total lack of passengers waiting for flights. Karl Scrubbed, a lead Custodian at RNA told the The FarceHaven "I've never seen this place so quiet or heard it so empty . . . hell I may as well go home or sumpin . . . I already sent Buford and Max home . . . they said they's goin fish'n in the Potomac river . . . screw it!"
Marlene Puff, Manager of the gift shop said "It's depressing, I sat here all day and didn't even sell a roll of mints . . . geesh, I usually sell 50 rolls of mints a day . . . newspapers are stacking up, I'm bored to tears I tell ya . . . and what? Did someone say this is until 2050? Oh dear . . . I better call my Harold."
Transportation Secretary Ray Hood told The FarceHaven in an imaginary and exclusive interview "This is really sad . . . where are these people going to go for work . . . all because some lazy fat Bastard can't keep his friggen eyes open . . . it ain't right I tell ya . . . it just ain't right!"
For his part President Obama hinted he may reverse the order to basically shut down RNA but right now he has "too many other things to change his mind about."