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The FarceHaven Tribune
Oscar Mayer announced today it is coming out with a new line of "Celebrity Sausages and Wieners."
Oscar Mayer's Marketing Manager Peter Dunn told The FarceHaven in a phone interview last week "We are very excited about our new line up of celebrity sausages and wiener products we plan on rolling out before the 4th of July weekend. The new Brett Farve Bratwurst and the exciting brand new Anthony's Weiner are expected to do very well in this highly competitive market we can't wait to see the public's reaction to our fun new products!"
Dunn told us before the interview was Dunn (sorry) O.M.'s decision not to go forward with the Dolly Pardon Chicken Breast Fillets last spring still haunts him (his board of directors axed the idea) "Dolly is loved by everybody and they didn't want to hurt her feelings so we dropped the breasts, But I'm convinced they would have gone over big."
Other new meat products being planned include "Arnold Schwarzenegger's Kasekrainer" boiled sausage filled with tiny bits of cheese and "John Edwards tiny Breakfast Sausage a delightful bite to get your day started." Peter Dunn emphasized that all of the new and future celebrity products named were decided upon as a result of that particular person or celebrity putting "themselves out there for public ridicule" Former President Bill Clinton said after being made aware of Oscar Mayer's new marketing initiatives.