Cynic Online Magazine
Archives
A Cynic Online Magazine Publication Vol , Issue
Home Polls FarceHaven Tribune Cafe Del Soul Features

  Search The Archives:
Home
Cafe Del Soul
(Poetry/Art)
The Archives
Submissions
(Get Published!)

About
Contact Us

You Know
You Want It!
cover
The Star Wars Trilogy
(Widescreen Edition) DVD
But It From Amazon Today!

The FarceHaven Tribune


How World Leaders Deal with Offshore Drilling Oil Spills
By Philbert of Macadamia -- Contributing Author

Washington DC: President Obama met with four presidents and a king of a number of nations that perform off shore oil drilling to find out how they would deal with major oil spills. These nations were the Russian Federation (RF), the Peoples Republic of China (PRC), the Islamic Republic of Iran and the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia.

CSPAN recorded the entire closed door meeting at the White House for broadcast later to the American people, but has provided a written summary of the remarks of each leader.

President Barack Obama (USA): I observed the British Petroleum (BP) oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico first hand, including the efforts of BP employees and ordinary American citizens to stop the leak and clean up the mess. The BP Oil Company executives and Transocean Ltd oil rig owners were reprimanded. The responsible US government agency executives were asked to resign and will probably become oil company consultants. The US Congress held hearings to fix the blame and American citizens will be suing the BP Oil Company and Transocean Ltd for damages. The president then apologized for the oil spill to gulf state residents.

President Dmitry Medvedev (RF/Russia): I would appraise the oil spill close up, including the efforts of Yukos, Rosneft or other involved state owned oil company's employees and ordinary Russian citizens to stop the leak and clean up the mess. The responsible state owned oil company executives and other responsible RF government executives would be fired. These disgraced individuals would also be sent to reeducation facilities in Siberia or to invade Chechnya.

President Hu Jintao (PRC/China): I would visit the oil spill site, including examining the efforts of China National Offshore Oil Corporation (CNOOC) or other involved state owned oil company's employees and ordinary Chinese citizens to stop the leak and clean up the mess. The responsible state owned oil company executives and other responsible Chinese government executives would be immediately shot or sent to reeducation facilities in North Korea.

President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (Iran): I would travel to the oil spill area, including perusing the efforts of the National Iranian Oil Company (Anglo Iranian Oil Company became BP) or other involved state owned oil company's employees and ordinary Iranian citizens to stop the leak and clean up the mess. The responsible state owned oil company executives and other responsible Iranian government executives would be sent to Hamas, Hezbollah and the Taliban to become homicide bombers. Then I would go to the UN to blame the USA and Israel.

King Abdullah (Saudi Arabia): I would go to the oil spill area, including seeing the efforts of Saudi Aramco or other involved state owned oil company's employees and ordinary Saudi citizens to stop the leak and clean up the mess. The responsible state owned oil company executives and other responsible Saudi government princes would be flogged, stoned or beheaded.



Return to The Archives