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The FarceHaven Tribune
Washington DC: Presidential Press Secretary Gibbs announced today that President Obama has decided to reduce the size of the Federal Government by eliminating some Executive Branch agencies.
During the presidentís visit to observe the BP oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, it became obvious to the chief executive that the government has grown too large and that he needed to clean his own Executive Branch house. Departing agency executives will be compensated, but must leave all government property behind (cell phones, cars, office furnishings, PORN collections).
The immediately affected Washington DC federal agencies and associated field offices will be as follows:
EPA, Interior Department/MMS and FEMA for incompetence, mismanagement and not properly anticipating the looming disaster, hobbling the various southern state governorís from acting and then invoking needless regulations to hinder oil spill cleanup.
DOJ, USCIS (excluding the FBI and portions of ICE, respectively) and Homeland Security for not securing the US border with Mexico, causing the State of Arizona to pass their own laws about illegal immigration and also not reading the new Arizona law.
The FED, Treasury Department, FANNIE MAE and FREDDIE MAC for causing the conditions that led up to the Wall Street meltdown and by being asleep at the existing regulation/enforcement switch.
The US State Department for not implementing an effective foreign policy to deal with Iran and North Koreaís nuclear programs, Islamic terrorists and insulting our closest allies.
DOE for being incapable of getting rabid environmentalists to stop blocking the building of Solar electric generating facilities in California, two years following President Obamaís inauguration promises.
The functions of all these disbanded agencies will now be run out of the White House by President Obama, Michelle Obama, Chief of Staff Emanuel, Senior Advisor Axelrod, Press Secretary Gibbs and Vice President Biden. Former President George W Bush and Karl Rove will be hired as consultants.
President Obama is keeping the appropriated funding for the shuttered agencies intact. Additional Executive Branch agencies, such as the IRS, DOT, FAA, FDA and FCC are also being considered for elimination. A presidential decision will be made shortly whether the GPO is to be spared or money is to be printed in the basement of the White House.