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The FarceHaven Tribune


GMC Unveils 2010 Model Automobile
By Philbert of Macadamia -- Contributing Author

Detroit MI: Government Motors Corporation (GMC) executives unveiled the prototype of their 2010 model automobile, dubbed the "Polar Bear." The new GMC CEO also promised the auto workers unions there will be no layoffs of factory workers.

Most GMC automobile assembly lines will be temporarily closed except for the two lines that produce the 2010 "Polar Bear." This machine resembles a 1969 VW bus, but is technologically superior, having all the available options of previous GMC models.

The "Polar Bear" is a totally green six passenger hybrid machine that can employ either biofuels or electricity. The recommended biofuel is used cooking oil, such as that from deep French fryers, but pure Italian virgin olive oil may also be used. Greenhouse gas emissions have been replaced by steakhouse gas vapors.

The other means of locomotion, electric drive, only requires that the "Polar Bear" be plugged into a 120 Volt AC outlet overnight. The French are selling GMC 50 nuclear reactor power plants, one for each state, to furnish the electricity for the electric propulsion. This acquisition process may take 10 years to complete. In the interim, coal fired electric generating plants will be expanded in each of the 50 states.

The export model shipped to China, dubbed the "Panda Bear," may employ Chinese restaurant cooking fat. Presently, to save money these new automobiles only come in the color green, except for the red ones going to China. GMC feels that a favorable balance of trade with China can be established based on these foreign car sales and that China is to produce some leadless spare parts. A reliable source indicates that the Australian's are interested in a variant called the "Koala Bear".

Fuel economy is high, but may vary by location because the purchased accessories are not all factory installed in the car. Prior to leaving on a trip a decision needs to be made as whether to take the snap in heater or air conditioner unit. For fickle drivers a green "fifth wheel" may be towed behind the vehicle.

By limiting "Polar Bear" production to two assembly lines the law of supply and demand should negate any lose in value during the first two years of ownership. The "Polar Bear" is also federally protected against all dents and scratches for the first 100,000 miles by GEICO, the new federally acquired insurance company.

The other GMC automobile production lines are to be retooled for manufacturing battle tanks and armored vehicles. There will be no unemployment! All union workers are to become government workers, with the same health plan and pension benefits as the US Congress. GMC middle management has been invited to join the union via a secret ballot.

A subcontract has been offered to North Korea for tires, if the communist regime stops building missiles and grows rubber trees. The same deal was proposed to the Iranian government, if they give up their development of nuclear weapons.

The new GMC CEO anticipates that this new line of automobiles is the start of a trend in transportation vehicles that have an international flavor.



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