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The FarceHaven Tribune
Washington DC: Rumors are circulating on Capital Hill that Democratic Speaker of the US House of Representatives Nancy Pelosi received a cell phone call from outer space. It was a long distance call made from an unlisted number.
The caller initially asked for Princess Leia, to which the speaker replied "no this is Empress Pelosi, is this God?" The caller said "oh I must have a wrong number, as I am not God but a Guardian of the Universe assigned to protect all of Earth." To which the speaker replied "that is my job."
The caller said" shouldn't it be the USA that you are protecting?" The speaker replied, I do have such higher ambitions, but the Oval Office has a current resident, so I must concentrate on other things." The caller said "like what?"
The speaker answered "I fly around in my government jet spending the taxpayer's money on pork projects, promoting ultra-liberal causes such as gay marriage, protecting the San Francisco Salt Marsh Mouse, blaming the previous Republican Administration for every current problem, preventing Alcatraz from being used to house the captured Islamic enemy combatants and never letting facts get in the way of my pronouncements.
The speaker continued "since there is apparently intelligent life in outer space how come you ETs don't ever land here to visit us?" Then she abruptly hung up. The caller pondered this question for a moment then turned to his aide, asking "where's Klaatu and does he have time for a rush job?"