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The FarceHaven Tribune
The United States Postal Service (USPS) has initiated a request to Osama Bin Laden, or any of his Islamic extremist associates, to please forward his current mailing address in Pakistan. The information can be sent to the main post office in Washington DC at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave or via a toll free number, and will be treated with the utmost regards to Osama's right to privacy.
It seems that Christmas and New Years greeting cards, fruitcakes and gifts are piling up, to a point where USPS storage space has become a problem. The various gifts, are part of the USMC sponsored "Ordnance for Osama" holiday program, that helps needy Islamic terrorists living in caves. Such gift items as Tomahawk missiles, JDAMs (various sizes), Bunker Busters and other presents have been carefully put aside for delivery to Mr. Bin Laden.
United States Air Force, Army and Navy/Coast Guard personnel have graciously volunteered their time and equipment over the holidays to deliver these gifts completely free of charge. Osama please call this toll free number immediately to expedite overnight shipping by air. Operators are standing by, night and day, to hear from you or your associates at 1-800-555-BUSH.
Thank you and a Merry Christmas to you and Mrs. Bin Laden.