In a precedent setting move, an area man was sentenced to death Thursday for sexual harrasment. Court goers were awed and shocked as Judge Mia Vasterd handed down her ruling.

For grand crimes of sheer and gross negligent stupidy and ignorance, for thinking that "malfunctioning wardrobe" would protect you from my court, this court hereby sentences you to be stoned to death with high heel shoes and Wienerschnitzel hot dogs.

It is the further determination of this court that you will be stripped of all your clothes and drug across a glass and molasses covered street before you are tarred and feathered.

The court further determines that the American people, the American public deserve much better than a lame-ass attempt at Justifying your lewd and raunchy acts.

The accused, one Tim Burrlake of Ojai, California was recently arrested for six counts of sexual misconduct when he pulled the pants off of a local woman in the middle of a performance of My Fair Lady.

"I don't see what the big deal was," Burrlake said candidly, "I just brushed against her and her clothes fell off like magic. It was simply a case of wardrobe malfunction"

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