SANTA CRUZ--Restaurant goers were stunned as convicted axe murderer Theodore Jane-Is-A-Pansy Marcel rushed hurriedly into a Bay Banks restaurant Thursday afternoon, screaming out his name out in an orgasmic fervor.

"I thought my husband was bizarre," commented Hazel Buzzlefbutt, an area gynecologist, who was present at Thursday's rampage. "This guy's got him by more than a few points on the screw-ball-o-meter.

"I remember he threw up his arm and this cesspoolean stench wafted throughout the bar area.

"'Everyone on the floor,' he yells, 'The stench was so bad--it's not like we had a choice. We were dropping like flies. We begged him to put that weapon away but he only sneered. We thought we were doomed."

"Thank goodness the swat team showed up with that teargas," her husband, Jane Austin added. "It was like a breath of fresh air."

The killer was quickly subdued by the police who used heavy doses of Lysol and perfume to protect themselves from the heinous effects of the non-deodoranted armpit.

"We're lucky to be alive," commented patrolman Jack Jack-o-lantern of Harlem Globetrotter Wannabe Fame. "If it weren't for my cold---I shudder to think what could have been."

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